Five women have accused James Franco of sexual harassment. You know things are bad when you see an actor you like trending on Twitter and you think: “Please, let it be punching a photographer.”

A runner was disqualified from winning a 100-mile Colorado race when it was discovered he hid in a Porta-Potty. What a crappy way to cheat.

A runner was disqualified from winning a 100-mile Colorado race when it was discovered he hid in a Porta-Potty. Despite cheating, he was still pooped at the end.

A runner was disqualified from winning a 100-mile Colorado race when it was discovered he hid in a Porta-Potty. He didn’t know he was disqualified. He thought they gave him #2. 

A runner was disqualified from winning a 100-mile Colorado race when it was discovered he hid in a Porta-Potty. He flushed his chances for the Olympics. 

Donald Trump met with the Prime Minister of Norway, Erna Solberg. Awkward moment when Trump asked Solberg how far Norway was from their neighbor, Safeway. 

A speaker has been designed to be inserted in a pregnant woman’s vagina so their fetus can hear music. Or it can be inserted into single women's vaginas so they can play "Sing Along with Your Snooch."   

Since you asked:

Yesterday, my WiFi was down for a solid 20 minutes. At one point, in my mind, I compared myself to Nelson Mandela’s 20-year unjust prison sentence. Lord help me, I am a tool.

One of the many things I do not understand about comedians is where all the money suddenly comes from. Excuse my presidential preposition. 

Until they are headliners, comedians break-even traveling to and performing at weekend gigs. They make a little money if the comedy club has a hotel room on reserve or an apartment, like the Comedy Store in La Jolla and LA. 

Once they are headliners, then the travel to comedy clubs is paid for and they make about one or two grand a weekend. That just covers rent in Los Angeles in neighborhoods like Santa Monica or Hermosa Beach.

With a roommate. 

What I do not understand is how David Letterman went from his girlfriend paying his rent in Echo Park, or some other starving artist community, to living down the road from Johnny Carson in Malibu in a few years. And this is all before his talk show. 

Jay Leno bought his current mansion and most of his cars and was being flown first class before he got “The Tonight Show.” Yes, he did have that Dorritos commercial.   

Before they got their own shows, Leno and Letterman were doing “The Tonight Show” a lot, but at $500 an appearance. Yes, Letterman did “Password,” “Mork and Mindy” and was a regular on the short-lived “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” 

But sports cars in Malibu?   

Louis CK, before he got “Louie” on FX  - and subsequently jerked-off his way out of the entertainment business - had enough money to want to turn down “Louie.” They, FX, just gave him such a lucrative and flexible deal, he could not turn it down. 

In one year, Stroking-Louie is financing his own gig at Madison Square Garden or the Beacon Theater, and buying a nice yacht and producing other artist’s shows.

And, though it all, all comedy writers are relatively horribly underpaid.