Wednesday, September 20, 2017



Sometimes I think I am the only living boy in New York in the only cab on the road, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers





The TV ratings for the Chargers in Los Angeles are bad. They ranked somewhere between “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” and a solar-power infomercial. 

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Manchester United is cracking down on what they call a racist song about their player, Romelu Lukaku's, 24-inch penis. To which Romelu said, “You know what? I’ll let that one slide.” 


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In a German gym, a man working out got his penis stuck in a five-pound weight. He was doing the clean and jerk, and he forgot the clean and just did the jerk.


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In his speech to the UN, Donald Trump said he may have to totally destroy North Korea. Oh my word, Trump is going to turn North Korea into a Trump Casino. 


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Apple announced they are working with counselors to make Siri more of a therapist. That’s not hard, just have Siri constantly ask, “How does that make you feel?” 


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A former prosecutor said Robert Mueller is going after Trump as if Trump is in the mafia. And Trump is going to make Mueller an offer he can’t covfefe. 


A former prosecutor said Robert Mueller is going after Trump as if Trump is in the mafia. If Trump was in the mafia, his mob nickname would be Donny Bag-a-hay-head.


A former prosecutor said Robert Mueller is going after Trump as if Trump is in the mafia. If Trump was in the mafia, his mob nickname would be Donny Cheetos. 


A former prosecutor said Robert Mueller is going after Trump as if Trump is in the mafia. If Trump was in the mafia, his mob nickname would be Donny Bag-a-Covfefe. 


A former prosecutor said Robert Mueller is going after Trump as if Trump is in the mafia. If Trump was in the mafia, his mob nickname would be Donny Tiny Mitts.


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Apple announced they are working with counselors to make Siri more of a therapist. When I asked Siri what time is it in Moscow, Siri said, “You had a breakthrough, but that is our time for today.”

Since you asked:

Poor simple-minded, but well-intended, Shailene Woodley, whom, despite her name, is not white trash, is trying the difficult transition from overly-earnest starving actress to guilty rich hippy.

Shailene really hit a new low of Hollywood pomposity when, on the red carpet for the Emmys - which, incidentally, gives awards to TV shows - Shailene lazy-shamed TV watchers and bragged she herself did not own a TV.

Shailene is already a preachy vegan and volcanic ash-eater and now she is transitioning into the roll first made famous by Jackson Browne as permanent celebrity do-gooder. 

Now, this might be me being mean, but Shailene also seems to be showing more than a few symptoms of PCF, Permanent Cocaine Face. 

PCF has been made so famous by so many celebra-douches, notably Sean Penn, Paris Hilton, of course Charlie Sheen, Jack Nicholson, Dennis Quaid, Macauley Culkin, Lindsay Lohan, just to name a few. 

The two biggest and badly kept secrets about Hollywood celebrities is they do a lot of drugs and are bi-sexual. Part of that is the money, time on their hands, the culture of fame and also the flakey personality of flamboyant dramatic types. 

Since forever, the only way in Hollywood to assuage the guilt of a three-day coke, vodka, champagne, heroin and indiscriminate-receiving- and- providing- oral sex bender, is to tell people how to live and how to vote. 


But starring on TV and then bragging on TV at a TV award show about not owning a TV is insufferable, even for Hollywood.