Friday, December 20, 2013

Wally next to Stanford the Christmas tree

Ohio University is offering the very first class for females on how to give fellatio to a man; the final is an oral exam.

To cut down on STDs, Rwanda is issuing men do-it-yourself circumcision kits; are you kidding me? Most men I know can barely cut their toenails.

Free Hugs in Sondrio, Italy

Goosebumps? Check. Smile? Check. Laughs? Check. Tears? Check. Me being a sap? Check. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Sure, make all the jokes you want. Look at this picture of Keef with his gorgeous wife, Patty, and tell me who gets the last raspy laugh . . . 

Here's to hoisting a hefty cocktail and emitting a raspy laugh in honor of the great Keith Richards who is 70 today. Which is 175 in Keefers years.

In a related story? Everything doctors have told you is wrong. 
Stop squeezing my yambags, Dingus, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In North Korea, leader, Kim Jong Un, executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, for treason; Un described his Uncle as “Lower than a dog.” Oh my word, so they ate him too?
A San Diego smoke shop is reporting several bongs stolen; police have three suspects: Snoop Dogg, Snoop Lion and Snoopzilla.
In North Korea, leader, Kim Jong Un, executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, for treason; you thought your family Christmas dinner will be awkward? Suddenly your drunk Uncle Teddy doing a sock puppet show through the fly of his trousers doesn’t seem so bad.
The Dallas Cowboys blew a 23-point lead and their QB, Tony Romo, threw two late interceptions in their 37-36 loss to Green Bay. Proving you can’t spell Tony Romo without O and No.
New York Giants Eli Manning threw 5 interceptions to lose to the Seattle Seahawks 23-0. During the game they aired Eli’s Citizen watch commercials. I had an Eli Manning watch once, it kept getting stolen.
In North Korea, leader, Kim Jong Un, executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, for treason; that’s one way to avoid that hard-to-shop-for person on your Christmas list.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Totes McGoats, jamokes and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Are you excited about Christmas? Or as our Jewish writers call it: Toys for Goys.
India has declared homosexuality illegal. So India gay guys, if you’re wearing a Sari, you’ll be sorry.
A Miami man was arrested after leaving his four-month-old baby in a car at a strip-club parking lot for three hours. The sad part? He’s still eligible for Florida Father of the Year.
A lot of popular singers got their start singing Christian music: Katy Perry, Jessica Simpson, the band Switchfoot. They had to leave Christian music when it became clear that they didn’t suck.
The sign-language interpreter at the Nelson Mandela Memorial was a fake; hearing impaired viewers became suspicious when he kept repeating; “What day is it? Hump dayyyyyyyy, yeah.”
Afghanistan has reinstated the penalty of stoning-to-death for adultery; in a related story, Paris Hilton has cancelled her goodwill trip to Afghanistan.
India has declared homosexuality illegal. As a result they have removed the he from Delhi, the bi from Mumbai, and the bang from Bangalore.

Bruce Jenner is going to have adam’s apple reduction surgery, a procedure considered a first stage in a sex change operation. A sex change operation for Jenner would be serious, it could change him from a douche-bag into a bitch.