What the what-the, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

“Joe Jackson looks like if a California raisin f*cked the devil.”

-The always awesome Nick Kroll

J.D. Powers and Associates ranked Verizon the number one wireless phone service provider with T-Mobile fourth. Who was fifth? Some guy selling tin cans with strings?

Once again prompting people to ask: “What the hell is J.D. Powers and Associates?”

French forces battling Islamist militants in northern Mali captured a strategic airport near the Algerian border. Thus marking the first time in any of our lives we have heard the words French forces battling and capture.

In England, beef lasagna products are being recalled for containing over 60% horse meat. I’ve bet on entries at Santa Anita that weren't 60% horse meat.

The Northeast is bracing for a nasty winter storm; but we here in Southern California have our weather issues too. Today it rained, and last night it got so cold the temperature was down to those things below fifty. What are they called? Oh, yeah, forties.

Four Gay Guys Watch the Grammys

Picture, if you will, a hard wood floor, oriental rugs, brick walls, window treatments loft in Brooklyn. Four nattily attired gay men in the early thirties adorned with thinly-trimmed beards, pork pie hats and skinny jeans and V-neck t-shirts, are sipping smart cocktails and watching the Grammys.

Stephahn:

“Oh, look, Chris Brown is there. I thought since they said no cleavage we wouldn’t see that boob.”

Antwanio:

“I hear he had trouble finding a date to beat up.”

Lance:

“Oh, look, there’s Tay-Tay, Taylor Swift. You go, T-Swizzle. You know, I wonder if I was straight if I would find her sexy? Nope, I wouldn’t.”

Jonathon:

“If you were straight you would be the second straight guy named Lance.”

Lance:

“But with twice the nuts.”

(They jump up and all four miss their attempted high-fives)

Stephahn:

“Oh, there’s Beyonce. Did you see her at the Super Bowl halftime doing her Godzilla impression? OK, we get it, stomp, stomp, snarl, repeat.”

Antwanio:

“You watched the Super Bowl? Please.”

Stephahn:

“My partner, Gregario, is going through some sort of butch phase. Did you know those players wear their pants all kinds of tight? You can almost see their DNA.”

Lance:

“I know, huh? That Ray Lewis? He can stab me any time.”

Antwanio:

“Focus, girls. Back to the Grammys. There’s Pink. In my next life I want to come back as a color.”

Jonathon:

“With your luck it would be Avocado. Oh, look, there is that bitter old dinosaur Alanis Morisette. Here’s a dictionary, sweety, look up the word Ironic.”

Stephahn:

“Really. A fly in your chardonnay? That’s a bummer, honey, not irony.”

Jonathon:

“And while you’re at it, tell your buddy, Stevie Nicks, when a snow covered hill comes down it is an avalanche, not a landslide.” 

And that is how we play:

Four Gay Gays Watching the Grammys