Saturday, March 31, 2012


"What the hell are you doin'?"

Friday, March 30, 2012

Eric Clapton - Have you ever loved a woman

Happy Birfydays E. to the C.
Did you notice what I did? That's right, horrific paddle technique. Blade the wrong way, upper hand not on handle, dainty lower hand grip. Awful.

This just in: 26-year-old Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader charged with having sex with high school male. She faces up to five years in jail, he faces up to a lifetime of free drinks.

A clip of actress Alicia Silverstone chewing food and spitting it into the mouth of her 11 month son, Bear Blu, is circulating. That is so revolting. Who names their kid Bear Blu?

Well, we're finally down to the final four. And besides Newt Gingrich supporters, the NCAA semi-finals are Saturday.

Holy cow pie did I cowboy it up last nicht.

Had not had a steak for a long time, so. with Virg and AC at a thing, I got a juicy T-bone and marinated it in olive oil.

Rubbed it liberally with sea salt, ground pepper, garlic powder and finely ground French roast coffee.

Mesquite lump charcoal in the chimney in the Weber. Fanned the flames with my pizza flipper until they were glowing hot. Steak over the hot coals. Three minutes a side sear and remove to rest for ten minutes. More olive oil and salt.

Cut rustic French bread, brush with olive oil, sprinkle with grated Parmesan cheese, toast on the grill. Heat up ranch beans.

Steaks back on the grill until a gorgeous medium rare. Another six minutes - three a side - away from the coals.

Yippeee kiiiiiiii yaaaaaay mother effer.

Check it out, Home Skillet

Texting my buddy Ray who is playing the ponies at Santa Anita, CA, Facebook messaging my buddy Brian in Chicago while playing Words with Friends with my buddy Bill vacationing in Montana and talking to my buddy, Chris on the phone from New York. And you, my magnificent Slattoloids and Nuggliesiaseses, are on this here blog.

What a fascinating age we live in.

You want to talk multi-tasking? Last nicht, while I had lit the charcoal chimney for my T-Bone and played a blues playlist on my outdoor speakers, I was watching a recorded Conan while playing Words and messaging my buddy on Facebook, updated my blog and posted on Twitter, wrote a joke, texted my buddy and was petting Wrigley with my foot.

While drinking a San Diego Sunset (Mount Gay, ice, coconut water, lime)



Thursday, March 29, 2012

Eagles - Most of Us Are Sad

For the Deca/Hepa Santa Barbara family reeling from the tragic loss

Yo Mama wear pajama, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Newt Gingrich had to lay off a large number of his campaign staff; upon hearing this, his wife, Calista, was shocked and horrified. Or ecstatic and delighted, we can’t really tell.

A Kentucky fan put an ad on Craigslist offering his wife in exchange for tickets to see Kentucky play in New Orleans. I don’t want to say this guy is a hick, but he is also throwing in his sister. Turns out his wife and sister are one in the same.

Louisville and Kentucky are in the NCAA final four. There is a difference between the fans. Louisville fans consider it rude not to say Sir and Maam. Kentucky fans consider it rude not to take off muddy hunting boots before climbing into bed with their cousin.

Is everyone on Facebook and Twitter? Here is some good advice: do not friend or follow anyone on a diet. You will see a picture and description of every single thing they eat. I’ve lost weight from getting sick reading about them.

A Jetblue flight from New York to Las Vegas had to be diverted to Texas because the pilot went berserk. Apparently he became furious when he suspected Alec Baldwin was cheating in their game of Words With Friends.

A group led by Magic Johnson has purchased the LA Dodgers for $2 billion. The only thing Magic about the Dodgers before this was how they made fans disappear.

Since you asked:

Golf is an interesting sport to me because it seems to require a certain type of personality to be good at it. Yes, there is athleticism, but it seems to require a certain amount of fastidiousness. Most good golfers have nice clothes and clean cars.

To put it in “Odd Couple” terms, Felix would be awesome at golf, Oscar a hack.

Me? Way too much of a slob to be good at golf. My personality is perfectly suited for rugby. Knock the crap out of an opponent and then take him to a bar afterwards and regale him with dick jokes.

Golfers have the best kind of OCD that results in business success. They have a lot of business contacts who are friends. They are polite, well-mannered and say nice things about people or they don’t say anything at all. They like their cocktails and steak and may be – or used to be – quite a player with the laaaaaadies. (That much I have in common with them)

A lot of good golfers talk in joke/clichés and it really makes them chuckle:

Ball lands in the trap. “Hey, good for you, you’re on the beach.”

Ball lands on the green on the opposite side of the hole. “I’m on the dance floor, but I can’t hear the music.”

Earnest driving advice; “You’re problem is you’re standing too close to the ball (wait for it) after you hit it.

And of course an endless supply of “Caddy Shack” lines, of which I am still guilty.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

This just in: Mitt Romney saw "The Hunger Games" and liked it. The wealthy Romney just had one question:

"What is hunger?"

The rumor is “Jersey Shore” is looking to get rid of Snooki and Mike “The Situation” Serrentino because he’s in rehab and she is single and pregnant. That is pretty pathetic when you’re considered not classy enough for “Jersey Shore.”

Kentucky and Louisville are in the final four; Kentucky and Louisville are different; to Louisville a tie is like kissing your sister. To Kentucky a win is like kissing your cousin. The really hot cousin.

Mitt Romney was in San Diego. No, he was in Mexico. He’s in San Diego. Or is he?

Dick Cheney is recovering well after a heart transplant; he is breathing well but quite loudly out of that Darth Vader mask and chest plate.

Remember that sleazebag Dominic Strauss-Kahn who was charged with raping the New York maid? Now he has been charged with using a prostitution ring. Who does this clown think he is? The French John Edwards?

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

2 Stand Up Guys Cardiff Sup Session

Recent picture of Wrig . . . er Mookie

Two local boys right here at Cardiff
Dick Cheney is recovering from a heart transplant operation; doctors say he should be up and shooting his friends in the face in no time.

Tiger Woods won the Arnold Palmer Invitational, his first win since 2009; it is great to see Tiger on top of something besides a Hooter’s cocktail waitress.

At a red carpet Hollywood event, somebody dumped white powder on Kim Kardashian; they think it was flour, but Lindsay Lohan snorted it all up before they could find out.

First they told Tim Tebow he was traded to the New York Jets, then they said the deal was off, now they told him he is with the Jets; they totally Seacrested the dude.

Since you asked:

For the rest of the day I am calling Wrigley Mookie. We’ve been pretty sad around here due to friends who had a tragedy and Wrigley has sensed that and has picked up his game.

Normally affectionate, Wrigley has turned into a cuddle bunny of epic proportions.

Wrigley is not always a good dog. Nothing major, just barking, digging, chewing.

But he has always been a great friend.

Wrigley truly is a humorous dog. Some dogs are funny, some are not. Kasey was adorable, fun, smart, sweet. But not funny. She was way too serious about getting fed.

Wrigley is just a loveable clown. The other night Virg and I are watching "Worst Chefs" which is wildly entertaining. Have grown to like Bobby Flay and I like Anne Burrell, although she is not as likeable in this format as she is on her show "Secrets of a Restaurant Chef".

I am on the couch multitasking on my laptop and Virg is doing likewise at the counter in the Kitchen. So Wrigley positions himself on the rug where he can see both of us. Virg is at 10:00 o'clock, I am at 2:00, so Wrigley is at six. He looks at me when I make a comment, then looks at Virg.

Suddenly he gets sleepy, so he puts his head down, but he doesn't want to miss any of the stellar conversation. So when Virg talked, he tilted his head to the left and raised his left eyebrow. When I said something, he tilted his head to the right and raised his right eyebrow. Then he started to fall asleep. So when Virg said something, he just opened his left eye. When I said something, his right.

Trust me, it was funny.

Believe me, I know dogs are not people. But they are members of the family. And what more can you say about a family member who cracks you up from the time they wake up to the time they flop down to sleep making an old man grunt noise?

Monday, March 26, 2012

Sunday, March 25, 2012

To An Athlete Dying Young

The time you won your town the race
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.

To-day, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields were glory does not stay
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose.

Eyes the shady night has shut
Cannot see the record cut,
And silence sounds no worse than cheers
After earth has stopped the ears:

Now you will not swell the rout
Of lads that wore their honours out,
Runners whom renown outran
And the name died before the man.

So set, before its echoes fade,
The fleet foot on the sill of shade,
And hold to the low lintel up
The still-defended challenge-cup.

And round that early-laurelled head
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,
And find unwithered on its curls
The garland briefer than a girl's.

A.E. Housman