They don’t bring that mess all up in this humpy bumpy and such, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

86-year-old, Hugh Hefner, is marrying 26-year-old Chrystal Harris; if you want to get the couple a gift, they’re registered at Bed, Bath and By-God-I-Am-Going-To-Be-Sick.

Rap mogul, Jay Z, just bought an $8 mil. car. It’s called a Maybach, as in “The Republicans May Back off from not taxing the rich if the rich keep blowing $8 mil on cars.”

A study reveals French men’s sperm levels have dropped 32%. And here we thought it was just the French army that was shooting blanks.

(Blast "The Star Spangled Banner" in your head)  

New York Yankee aging-star, Alex Rodriguez, is scheduled to undergo hip surgery; apparently A-Rod’s hip couldn’t withstand the punishment of years of pounding from an over-weight wallet.

The London home of Amy Winehouse sold for $3.2 mil. Not surprising when you factor in the spilled drugs in the carpet had a street value of $1.9 million.

86-year-old, Hugh Hefner, is marrying 26-year-old Chrystal Harris; if you want to get the couple a gift, they’re registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond Comprehension.

86-year-old, Hugh Hefner, is marrying 26-year-old Chrystal Harris; you’ve heard of May-to-December romance? This is a May –to-December –In-Sixty –Years romance.

The World’s oldest woman, Besse Cooper, died in a Georgia nursing home at 116. They aren’t going into detail about the cause of death, but suffice it to say the erotic book “50 Shades of Grey” isn’t the best birthday present for a 116-year-old woman.

MTV has a new reality show called “Buckwild.” It focuses on the lives of nine West Virginia young people. It’s like “Jersey Shore” except without all the fancy sophistication and complicated family trees.

Since you asked:

My three favorite words are surf, baby, puppy. The first one brings so many fond memories and excitement for the future, the next two you can’t say without smiling.

The two best words for food? Soup and Milk. Milk sounds and feels like milk. Same with Soup. Nuts is pretty good. So is eggs.

Coffee is a horrible word. It should be something like Slag.

Wine is a good word. Steak is a good word. Potato is terrible. Spud is much better.

No, I take it back. My favorite food word is Biscuit. 

In my personal opinion,

I think Clay the Trey, Clay "So nice they named him Thrice," Clay Cubed, and or Clay Mathews III has a future in action films. He knocks his commercials out of the park. Especially the Fat Head commercial. 

Compare Clay Thray to David Beckham. Almost as handsome. Much more buffed. Better hair. And Clay Tri doesn't have a voice like a castrated chimney sweep.