How many are upset Mitt Romney lost? How many are happy Barack Obama won? How many are just happy we didn’t have to hear Joe Biden talk?

Republicans, sorry, but try and look at the bright side. Didn’t Donald Trump say he’d leave the country if Obama was re-elected? So that’s good.

Here we try to stay objective and neutral, so republicans, sorry, but it isn’t really the end of the world; democrats, congratulations, but for god sake, stop gloating. You’re acting like Prius drivers.

“It is after the election and I really miss all those campaign ads and recorded phone calls,” said absolutely nobody.

TMZ revealed a picture of Kim Kardashian going to the gym and parking her Rolls Royce in the handicapped spot. Well sure, stupid is a handicap.

President Obama’s top campaign advisor, David Axelrod, said Obama was speaking from his loins. Well it’s nice to see they’re getting some pointers from former President Bill Clinton.

Rocker Rod Stewart has written his biography where he admits he used to ingest cocaine anally. I knew cocaine turned you into an a-hole, I didn’t know the a-hole could cause it.

The people I know who used cocaine would grind their teeth. What did Rod grind?