I love Newman's Own Roadside Virgin Lemonade so much I am going to take it behind the bar and get it pregnant, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Khloe Kardashian has launched a new fragrance; not a perfume, she ate a sausage sandwich that didn’t agree with her, and she launched a fragrance.

Khloe Kardashian has launched a new fragrance called “Unbreakable.” It is named after her hold on bad taste.

Some interesting new facts in “No Easy Day” about our Navy Seals killing Osama bin Laden. For example, right when they burst into the room, bin Laden yelled out; “Don’t tase me, bro.”

Oh my goodness...

When they attacked Osama bin Laden, they were playing “Call me, maybe” on their helicopter speakers. 

Is it just me did the republican convention look like an insurance seminar and the democratic convention looks like a Lionel Richie concert?

The democrats are not going to be outdone. Instead of Clint Eastwood rasping at a chair, they’ll have Sylvester Stallone mumbling at a Chaise Lounge. 

Since you ask:

It is official, I dub this summer the summer of surfing with leopard sharks in La Jolla cove, quaffing  ice-cold Newman's Own lemonade and grilling fresh seafood. 

The holy triumvirate.

Would pay serious coin for an update on my spellchecker that would be personalized and critical. When I butcher the spelling of a word that even the Internet can't fix, I want to get properly reamed out. Instead of (no spelling suggestions) I want it to say;

"Oh, dude, are you kidding me? How do you not know there is a Q in Acquiesce? You call yourself an effing writer? You once misspelled misspelled."