Some people are just born cool

Not up in this here up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In an interview with “Rolling Stone” Donald Trump says he uses Head and Shoulders shampoo; Yeah, because when the shower water hits it, Trump’s hair falls from his head to his shoulders.

Microsoft is buying Skype for 8.5 billion dollars. And thus concludes this week’s story my Aunt Gertie will never comprehend.

Now on his third marriage, Newt Gingrich has announced he is running for President again. You know what this means? Newt wants to spend more time with his brand new mistress.

Prince William and the lovely Kate Middleton are off on their honeymoon. I forget, what is the official new title of Prince William? Is it the Duke of Rogaine?

On his CNN talk show, Elliot Spitzer questioned the right of President Obama to kill Osama bin Laden. This moral debate coming from a guy who has hired so many hookers he has “How much for long time boom-boom?” tattooed on his ass.

You want to know what the best pickup line in bars is these days? “I’m so bummed, I can’t find my Commander of Seal Team Six ring anywhere.”

Newt Gingrich announced his candidacy on twitter. Big improvement. Last time Newt ran for President he announced it on a stripper named Tawania.

You know what is a huge seller these days?” Those “My Commander of Seal Team Six shirt is at the laundry” t-shirts.

Donald Trump said the use of water-boarding led to finding Osama bin Laden, but John McCain told congress it did not. So who do we believe? A guy who was once tortured as a POW or a guy whose idea of torture is to fly first class instead of a private jet?

In an interview in “Rolling Stone” Donald Trump said he has never smoked pot, done any drugs nor even had a single drink of alcohol in his entire life. Trump gets high on life. Life and a whole lot of airisole hair spray.

McDonalds wants to be more like Starbucks, more artsy, more intellectual, more sophisticated. You know, more douche-y.

Did you see Meat Loaf crying on “The Apprentice”? That guy cries harder than Moammar Kadhafi when a helicopter flies overhead.

That guy makes John Boehner look like a Navy Seal.

The Indianapolis Colts fired a cheerleader for appearing in “Playboy.” Wow, I thought it was about the New Orleans Saints dropping Reggie when I read; “Team Releases Bush.”