Wednesday, December 01, 2010


Here she be, Jaysee.

Woot, woot, woot, I gonna scoot, scoot, scoot, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Britney Spears turns 29 this week. And her panties turn 0.

It has been chilly in Los Angeles. This morning I was shaking like Charlie Sheen going to his pre-Christmas confession.

In Ohio, a woman claims a man kidnapped her for ten days; she said she started to become really nervous when he told her; “It puts the lotion in the basket.”

ABC is debuting “Skating with the Stars.” Now I don’t want to say it is gay, but it is like “Dancing with the Stars” but with more sequins and more absolutely fierce fabulousness.

Dwayne Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh, on the losing Miami Heat, are all whining the coach isn’t letting them be themselves. So, in order to be themselves, look for the team to change its name from the Miami Heat to the Miami Annoying Spoiled Brats.

“Sports Illustrated” featured an article about Cal women’s rowing coxswain, Jill Costello, who battled cancer to race in the NCAA women’s crew final. It also features an article on convicted dog fighter, Michael Vick. It’s part of “SI’s” annual “Hero to Zero” issue.

More information from those leaked State Department documents on WikiLeaks; In a meeting with the Australian Prime Minister, former President George W. Bush kept asking him; “If you’re Australian how come you don’t talk like Arnold Schwarzenegger?”

Britney Spears turns 29 this week. That’s 42 in trailer park, Lucky Lager, Marlboros and Pork Rind years.

Britney Spears turns 29 this week. Britney will have the usual celebration: stumbling into the Seven Eleven in her bathrobe and hair curlers to buy a pack of unfiltered Marlboros, a six pack of Lucky Lager and some lottery tickets.



Since you asked:

Oh my goodness, Slatties and Nuggliefiles, I am pumped. I am stoked. I am as annoying as that “Win-win” guy in that American Airlines commercial. Are you ready for this? (I don’t think you are) Just locked down a deal on an amazing 10.6 SUP surfing board. This space stick gonna make me a wave thrasher and a heart basher. Gonna rip so much they gonna call me Jack. (That’s a Jack the Ripper ref . . . oh never mind)

The epoxy board and a carbon fiber paddle for about three hundred beans less than I have seen for just a decent board the same size. That’s a good deal and a good deal more. Trust me, I’m gonna Freddie Bisco that bad boy up and down the coast like butter and toast.

And it is UCSB blue with white. Gonna add a yellow deck pad later.

Man it was cold this morgan. Was shaking like Dennis Hopper’s “Hoosier” character, Shooter in the rehab hospital.

“It’s goblin’ visiting time.”

I don’t know much

But I know I wouldn’t want to row against the Cal Women’s eight plus varsity this year. They got themselves some serious angel power bustin’ all up in that joint. Think I figured out my new board’s name: Jaysee. As in J.C. for Jill Costello.

A wise man once said:

You should dance like nobody is watching, sing like nobody is listening and love like you've never been hurt before.

While that is sound advice, I do not think you should write like nobody is reading. Otherwise, for me anyway, it would just be a whole lot of:

Hobastank, Hobastank, Thule-babe, Thule-babe, Snerk, work, Dirk. Shama hamma whamm shinga shanga shawewwewewaahhhhhhh whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.