Friday, August 06, 2010


We gonna flip this here beyatch from Nazi to Yahtzee, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


U.C. San Diego researchers have been given a $10 million grant to continue studying schizophrenia. That’s great news for schizophrenics. No it isn’t. Yes it is, they could discover a cure. Oh, they’ll just blow the money. How do you know?

U.C. San Diego researchers have been given a $10 million grant to continue studying schizophrenia. Also, U.C. San Diego researchers have been given a $10 million grant to continue studying schizophrenia.

New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th home run. “That is a great accomplishment and is in no way tainted by performance enhancing drugs;” said nobody who understands sports.

New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th home run. Now that he has his milestone, A-Rod can go back to focusing on what is important: nailing hot celebrity women with low self-esteem.

16-year-old Justin Bieber is publishing his memoirs. Isn’t there a literary rule against someone writing a memoir who is approximately the same age as a good scotch?

Ellen DeGeneres is leaving a multi-million dollar deal with “American Idol” because she didn’t like to hurt people’s feelings. To which Simon Cowel said; “Ha, good one. No, really, why are you leaving?”

A California judge overturned the gay marriage ban; I’m not sure who is happier, gay people who want to get married, or straight married men who want more guys to share their misery.

16-year-old Justin Bieber is penning his memoirs. The longest thing I wrote at 16 was; “I will not lift up Becky Johnson’s skirt” 100 times on the blackboard.

Proposition 8 banning California gay marriages has been overturned and its Shark Week on “Discovery.” Either way, it’s a big week for biting commentary.

Proposition 8 banning California gay marriages has been overturned. Here’s my question: when a gay couple gets married, do they have to hire a straight wedding planner?

Proposition 8 banning California gay marriages has been overturned. Finally, wedding planners can plan their own weddings.

16-year-old Justin Bieber is penning his memoirs. I don’t mean to be a fuddy-duddy, but shouldn’t there be a rule against writing your memoirs before your testicles drop?

Ellen DeGeneres is leaving “American Idol” because she didn’t like to hurt people’s feelings. Which is an odd coincidence because Simon Cowel left because he didn’t get to hurt enough people’s feelings.


“Shark Week’ on the “Discovery” channel is interesting. Sharks are only hostile when feeding from dusk to dawn, they become more hostile when they are protecting their young, but they are the most hostile after getting a phone call from Mel Gibson.

Proposition 8 banning California gay marriage has been overturned. Congratulations to Simon
Cowell and Ryan Seacrest.


“Shark Week’ on the “Discovery” channel is interesting. First we learned about the scary Tiger sharks. Than the even scarier Bull sharks. Than the even scarier Great White sharks, and then, finally, the scariest sharks of all: entertainment and divorce lawyers.


What I think I think I think
First round draft choice, Tim Tebow, is 6.3, 245 of solid muscle. If Denver puts him in a Wildcat-like backfield with a strong-armed QB who can also run, and Tebow gets 20 rushes a game and the QB takes 10, defenses will not know whether to drop a deuce or cluck like a chicken.

If they don’t bust the running game wide open, the passing defense will be ultra vulnerable, especially deep.

Unfortunately we’ve all had to deal with government workers.

From surly DMV clerks to rude city officials, I personally have encountered apathy and hostility on a level that approaches abuse. Have you ever tried to report it? It won’t happen.

From the lowest government worker to their highest boss, government workers have just one motivation: to keep their job. This means any ambition, hard work or pride in their efforts goes right out the window. They are going to cover their ass over and over again unless they’re busy covering their co-worker’s asses.

For most of us, their incompetence and sloth only results in more time in line or mail being delivered a few days late. For all of us this results in billions and billions of tax dollars being wasted.

Sadly, here in San Diego, this fierce government worker laziness and apathy resulted in the brutal tortured murder of two beautiful teenage girls, Chelsea King and Amber DeBois. All of the government employed judges, lawyers and parole officers essentially allowed a known violent sex offender with a published account of a freakish taste for violating and hurting young women, John Gardner, to go free despite countless parole violations. Not one of those horrifically inept government workers –and I’ve been following this tragedy closely - has been so much as reprimanded, let alone fired.

Until government workers have the same level of accountability as the private sector, our economy, our security, our way of life is always going to be suspect. When you confront impolite and uncooperative workers in the private sector, people get demoted or fired.

In the government, they get protected.

On a lighter note:

Why hath thou forsaken me, DSC? Listener Lex has been kicked to the curb.