Who said what to who now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?


The House Ethics committee said it will investigate wrong-doing by Rep. Eric Massa, the man accused of sexually harassing male staff members. The committee assured the probe will be lengthy and extensive, to which Massa said; “Oh, goody, I go first, I go first.”


Goldman Sachs executives are testifying before a Senate committee; these guys are sneaky, ten minutes into the hearings and five Senators bought shares of the Pennsylvania Ave Bridge.


Spirit Airlines, which charges $45 for carry-on luggage, is installing non-reclining seats in its planes. Apparently the spirit of Spirit Airlines is Ebenezer Scrooge.


President George W. Bush’s book, “Decision Points” is coming on November 9th and it recounts President Bush’s toughest decisions. His last tough decision was whether or not to try and write a book before he had ever finished reading one.


Sharon Stone will star in four episodes of “Law & Order: S.V.U.” Not to give away that this will be like “Basic Instinct,” but in these shows, the SVU stands for Sharon’s Vanishing Underwear.


Spirit Airlines, which charges $45 for carry-on luggage, is installing non-reclining seats in its planes. It is part of Spirit Airlines mission to make airline travel far more expensive and less comfortable than a bus ride.


Ultimate fighter, Tito Ortiz, was arrested for hitting his porn star girlfriend, Jenna Jamison. Gosh, a porn star dating a fighter, who could have seen this coming?


The traitor, sorry, trader from Goldman Sachs testifying before a Senate committee, Fabrice Tourre, calls himself “Fabulous Fab.” And won’t the name “Fabulous Fab” come in handy in prison?


Since you asked:

The definition of eternity? The time between when you hear someone coming and you get your pants back on and pulled up. Also? I’m not welcomed in our grocery store for a while.

The secret to life? Dance like nobody is watching. Sing like nobody is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt. And drink like your wife doesn’t know you’ve hidden a bottle of rum in the closet.

What? You’re awful judgey today.

Can I let you in on a little secret, Slattilators and Nuggatines? Sometimes I really do feel like the only cab on the road.


“Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon riverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”