What happened in ‘Vegas stayed in ‘Vegas, ‘cause nothing happened, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


So life-like
Scientists have made a sex robot girlfriend; it is so realistically woman-like it will not have sex with a Star Trek “Trekkie” fan.


Not all bad
I flew last weekend, and the downside is those airport body scans are invasive. The upside? A hot TSA guard named La’ Queshia asked for my phone number.


Or Not Being Complimented
Public outcry at the botching of NBC’s late night programming has been overwhelming. Apparently now NBC now stands for Nimrods Bashed Constantly.


The fallout from NBC’s botching of the late night talk shows has been bad; today at Take Your Daddy To School Day, one NBC executive told the kids he worked for al Qaeda.


Or something like that
On “Sixty Minutes,” John McCain aide Steve Schmidt was shocked at Sarah Palin’s lack of historical knowledge, for example, Sarah thought Watergate was a type of fancy dinnerware.

Yikes
An Australian study reveals men who masturbate three times a week or more are less likely to develop prostate cancer. They are, however, more likely to be arrested at a Chicago Starbucks.


In Chicago a man was arrested for masturbating in Starbucks. They became suspicious because he had an extra, extra, extra foam latte.

Not good to say
According to a new study by the American Psychological Society, if given the choice between water and alcohol, hamsters will drink alcohol. Sure, hamsters have been synonymous with booze forever, but guys, when you drink too much, don’t say the next day; “I’m hung like a hamster.”


Healthy
Mark McGwire admitted he took steroids, but said they didn’t help him hit home runs, he took them for his health. Yeah, apparently Mark believed back acne, a giant skull, freakishly shrunken testicles and severe liver damage made him healthier.


What's in a name?
The NBC executives want to move “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” to 12:05 AM. Which would officially make it the “The Tonight/ Early Tomorrow Morning Show in Los Angeles of Burbank, with Conan O’Brien Or Somebody Else.”


Amazing
Scientists have made a sex robot girlfriend; it is so realistically woman-like it will not have sex with you until you take it to a nice dinner and her robot girlfriends approve of you.


Since you asked:

Just got back from a long weekend in Las Vegas, baby. Oh yeah. World record set. Did not place – nor lose – one bet, did not visit one strip club, did not get smashed except for one happy hour.

We, the family, my lovely wife Virginia and my adorable and sweet daughter, Ann Caroline, as well as all of our extended Carmel Valley Manchester family were there for a huge soccer tournament. My 11-year-old daughter and her teammates were in a tournament that had some of the best teams from Nevada, Arizona, Northern and Southern California and even Hawaii.

We drove up with our good friends the Meyers, stayed at the not-fancy-but-all-you-need Embassy Suites and had a fun time. The first morning I ran to the strip and along it and back. What a freak show. It is so surreal I was afraid if I took a wrong turn I would end up in a space ship getting probed by an alien named Glorbunacqk.

We went out to a nice Italian dinner and went to the tournament which was held on beautiful fields and was as well organized as Swiss watchmaker’s convention. Even the referees were pretty good.

Guess who won the Girls Under 11 Championship? You got it, our team: C.V. Man U, buuuuhhh beeeee.

The only problem was my belt came loose and, at one point, I nearly had my:

"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool wit' yo' pants on the ground."