Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Never forget. Ever.

To "Doc" and Vinny. Two big, big-hearted great guys who I worked with and liked a great deal on Wall Street. "Doc" got out of the World Trade Center, Vinny did not.

On September 17th, 2001, I decided to listen to everyone telling us to get back to normal, so I got on my flight to Louisville for an annual meeting.

The flight was almost empty and I remember thinking, I bet since Louisville - although populated by some of the nicest people you have ever met - is so removed physically and culturally from New York, it won't be as affected by the attacks as I am. Maybe it will be a good thing for me to go to a place like that.

Believe me, I have been wrong about things before, but I have never been more wrong about how the people of Louisville were shattered. Flags hung everywhere and people were unabashedly shocked and grief stricken.

One nice old man who attended the annual meetings and I had become friends. At one point during the luncheon he looked at me as kindly as you can imagine and asked; "Are you OK?"

"No", I said before I even knew the words were out of my mouth, "Thanks for asking, but I am not OK."

That is when I realized it just wasn't the victims of September 11th and their families who were hurt. It wasn't just the people in New York at the time who suffered physical and psychological damage. Although they got the worst of it.

We all took a hit on September 11th, 2001. And it left a permanent mark.

Windsurfing legend Robby Naish on a Stand Up Paddle Board

In East Los Angeles, they found a severed hand near Palmdale. A hand in Palmdale? You don't even want to know what they found outside Scrotumville.

A Wisconsin woman was in court accused of Krazy Gluing her lover's genitals to his leg. She felt he needed help adhering to their relationship.

Have you seen that picture of Britney's ex, Kevin Federline in the pool? The guy is obese. He really put the fed in Federline. Now he is A-through-Z Fed.

No wonder Britney has lost so much weight, her ex, K-Fed, ate all of her food.

Since you asked:
As a proud undeclared, I do have to say all of these republicans screaming like scalded cats about the President trying to indoctrinate the kids? They are sounding extra douche-y and twice as baggy.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

This right here my go-to surf spot, Torrey Pines, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It is getting ugly between Jon and Kate Gosselin. She accuses him of being an a-hole, he says she is a bitch. At least they are both pretty good judges of character.

China's world table tennis champion, 25-year-old Wang Hao, has just been given permission by his government to have a girlfriend for the first time. Isn't giving a ping pong player permission to have a girlfriend like giving pigs permission to fly?

25 and he has never had a date. But it does explain all of those ping pong paddle handles he keeps crushing.

If only his name was Wang Ho, this joke could write itself.

Since you asked:
To be be candid, I found it very difficult to put on the extra 25 pounds needed for my next role. Mostly I did it with burgers, steaks and eggs. And a lot of red wine. But what made it really hard was realizing, A, I don't have a movie role that requires me to gain 25 pounds, because, B, I'm not an actor.

Suddenly I feel very sad for myself.

There is a new video game where you pretend to play Beatles songs on fake instruments. They got the idea from the career of The Monkeys.

A study claims drinking alcohol can lower your chance of getting Alzheimer's disease; apparently this study did not talk to the same drunks I do;

"Wha's (hic) your name again?" "I told you my name when I met you and all three times you've asked in the one minute I've been talking to you."

Spencer Pratt said he is going to change his name to King Spencer Pratt because America needs a King. OK, that tears it, can we legally kill him now? Please?

San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman was arrested at 3:45 am for battery and false imprisonment for allegedly violently restraining reality TV star, Tila Tequila. When the police are called at 3:45 am by somebody named Tequila, chances are pretty good that it isn't a spirited Mensa meeting that got out of control.

On Labor Day we honor the workers by doing nothing but having fun and cooking out. It's sort of like celebrating Easter by praying to Allah.

Due to the swine flu, French health officials have asked the French people to forgo their customary cheek-to-cheek kiss greeting/ goodbye. Of course, the other French custom of copping a feel on your best friend's wife? Fine.

Since you asked:

It being Labor Day - and feeling like a Sunday - and me being stupid, I forgot to record and watch the Manson special on History Channel. Why, cruel world? Why?

Monday, September 07, 2009

Somebody tossed a rich hippy bomb in this Laurel Canyon house

A dinner prepared by Sarah Palin is being auctioned off on e-Bay. This is the perfect meal for somebody who is craving half-done Moose meat.

Somebody at an auction in Australia paid $50,000 for a jewel-encrusted glove of Michael Jackson. Apparently it wasn't just a blind auction, it was a blind, crazy and stupid auction.

Somebody at an auction in Australia paid $50,000 for a jewel-encrusted glove of Michael Jackson. One of my silly rules? Never pay a lot of money for a used garment that can be described as encrusted.

San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman was arrested for false imprisonment for allegedly restraining reality TV star, Tila Tequila. On the bright side, nobody can say Merriman can't hold his Tequila.

Since you asked:

Just watched the end of "Confessions of a Shopaholic" because my daughter, Ann Caroline, was watching it.

Watching just the end of a rom-com without knowing the trite cliche characters - the perky, fun leading girl, the evil bitch, the snarky gay friend, the sweet, supportive dad, the sassy, but loyal best friend gal, the weasel-looking bad guy and the devilishly handsome good guy lead - is the entertainment equivalent of hitting myself repeatedly in the scrotum with the head of a monkey wrench.