Wild horses couldn’t drag me away, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Retire the retiring
New York Jet QB Brett Favre has retired. Again. This guy retires and goes back to work more than a $50 hooker with a sub-prime mortgage.
What's that in Cougar years?
Happy 45th birthday to Sarah Palin. They’re having a big party to play Pin-the-tail-on-the-Maverick.
Bless their hearts
The economy is so rough, in New York City, the hookers are offering a Bernard Madoff’s wife’s Ruth special. For an extra $100 they’ll let you make a hasty withdrawal.
Bernie Madoff’s wife, Ruth, withdrew $15 million right before her husband’s arrest for ripping off $50 billion. Man, they don’t call them the Made-offs for nothing.
President Barack Obama smacked his head on his helicopter entrance. It was bad, for a few minutes Obama was woozy, confused, lost, just like President Bush.
Everyone knows about the Christian Bale tirade at a lighting guy. All celebrities are going nuts. You know Stump, the dog that won Westminster? Today he called his mother a bitch.
Michael Phelps said he called his sponsor, Kellogg, to apologize about the pot picture but they wouldn’t return his call. It probably didn’t help that Phelps left the message for “That Tony the Tiger dude.”
Michael Phelps said he called his sponsor, Kellogg, to apologize about the pot picture but they wouldn’t return his call. It probably didn’t help that Phelps tried to call them on his iPod.
Not a good look
A new study reports after a woman has an orgasm she is much better at her job. And after a man has an orgasm at his job he is more likely to wake up with keyboard marks on his face.
By now everyone knows about the “Batman” actor Christian Bale’s obscenity-laced tirade at a lighting guy. Sadly, bad behavior is nothing new for Hollywood stars. In the old days, Doris Day once savagely beat an errand boy for getting her the wrong box of Marlboros.
Have you seen the swimsuit edition of “Sports Illustrated”? The cover girl is Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend, Bar Rafaeli. But don’t worry, guys, Bar’s been hosed off, sanitized and DiCaprio’d.
That nut who just had eight babies, Nadya Suleman? She’s single, has six other kids, no job, owes 50,000 in student loans and now she has set up a website for people to give her money to raise her 14 children. Who does she think she is, Rod Blagojevich?
Have you seen the swimsuit edition of “Sports Illustrated”? The cover girl is Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend, Bar Rafaeli. Rumor is DiCaprio is going to propose to Bar before Tom Brady can steal her away.
If you know what I mean . . .
Have you seen the swimsuit edition of “Sports Illustrated”? The cover girl, Bar Rafaeli, is from Israel. Sorry guys, Leo DiCaprio has already launched his rockets at her Gaza Strip.
The cover girl of the swimsuit edition of “Sports Illustrated” is Bar Rafaeli who is dating Leonardo DiCaprio. Guys, it shows the power of wealth and fame; how else can you explain how such a gorgeous creature is dating such a greasy little whimpy weasel? Not that we are bitter.
I like that guy
I like that "Sully" Sullenberger. He looks like the guy at the diner drinking coffee and solving the word Jumble puzzle.
Since you asked:
We know two things about Bar Rafaeli: that she is the hot cover girl of the “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit edition and that she is dating Leonardo DiCaprio. But on her appearance on “The Late Show with David Letterman” Bar refused to discuss DiCaprio. You know how you turn a swimsuit model from a ten to a six? Ask her a question.
Attention famous people:
If you elect to appear on a nationally televised talk show to whore and pimp your latest project, you may have to actually talk about what everyone else on the planet wants to hear you talk about.
One of the radio stations I write for had Ron Palillo in for an in-station interview. Who? Good question, I don’t think Ron Palillo knows who he is unless you refer to him as Arnold Horshack from “Welcome Back Kotter.” He was there to pimp god knows what, a CD or a play.
When the D.J. introduced him as Horshack, Palillo got upset and said he refused to talk about “Welcome Back Kotter.” In one of the greatest moments in radio history, the stunned DJ told this whack-job Palillo to get out of his studio that second. He had no interest in wasting his show’s time talking to this incredibly out-of-touch prima donna. And he kicked Horshack out.
Attention talk show hosts:
When a pseudo celebrity is famous for some scandal or relationship or event that they are upset about or want to keep private and, during the pre-show interview, they announce they don’t want to discuss the topic for which they are famous, tell them they cannot appear on your show. Period.
This will greatly cut down on what I call the Paris Hilton Effect.
By the way, I saw Ross the flaming Leno intern's clip from the Grammys and when Paris Hilton walked by, not only did she refuse to be interviewed, people yelled and screamed at her like she was actually a rock star.
To Ross and the people who yell at Paris Hilton perpetuating her belief that she has actually done something besides unknowingly make a sex tape? You are even a bigger tool than Paris is.
And that is quite a tool.
Joaquin Phoenix announced he is transitioning from movies to hip hop. Yo, it’s about time somebody represented the ‘Hood of Rodeo Drive, y’all. It’s hard up in the ‘Deo. Check it, sometimes those store clerks make eye contact. They need to get correct before they wreck, ahhhhhiiiight?
Here is A little Bit bad productions scoop. We have the lyrics to Joaquin’s first hip hop song:
My name is Joaquin but I don’t like walkin’
So I ride in my Hummer like I did all summer.
My beard be lookin’ scary ‘cause it’s way too hairy
I voted for Obama but I’m lookin’ like Osama
I represent my ‘hood but livin’ there is good.
Ain’t hard to be a crew that rolls from Malibu
Last name is Phoenix, I like to grab my penis
(No, really, what? I am asking what I am saying because even I don’t even understand me)