My beloved UC Santa Barbara. It was OK if living in the most beautiful place in the world, dating hot women, windsurfing and going to parties is your idea of a good time.

You best check it, befo’ you get nekked and wreck it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Arkansas’s Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 19th child; it’s official, that Tiger Woods is out of control. He needs help.

One of Tiger Woods’s mistresses has taken naked pictures of Tiger and is selling them to “Playgirl.” Not to go into sordid details, but let’s just say in golf terms, Tiger is about a seven and a half iron.

An envelope that was delivered with the first Pony Express in 1860 sold for $500,000. Sadly, it was then promptly lost by the US Postal Service.

An envelope that was delivered with the first Pony Express in 1860 sold for $500,000. For half a million dollars the buyer gets to keep the Rolling Stones tickets in the envelope.


Tiger Woods hasn’t played golf since his car accident, but I get the feeling Tiger won’t be playing golf for a long time. His wife, Elin, won’t give Tiger his balls back.


Tiger Woods’s mother-in-law was rushed from Tiger’s house to the hospital; finally some good news for Tiger.


To review, Tiger Woods hit a fire hydrant and a tree with his car and then passed out asleep on the lawn in his underwear. Or as John Daly calls that, Thursday night.


Tiger Woods’s mother-in-law, Barbro Holmberg, was rushed from Tiger’s house in an ambulance to the hospital at 2:30 am. Luckily for her, Tiger wasn’t driving the ambulance.


Tiger Woods’s wife, Elin, purchased a mansion in Sweden. The good news for Tiger? It’s just a short cab ride from the Stockholm Hooters Restaurant.


The count is eleven women in the Tiger Woods scandal. Who would have ever thought Tiger’s handicap would be eleven?

Since you asked:

Have you seen the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th anniversary concert? U2 blasts into “Gimme Shelter” and out struts the Mickster who is then joined in a duet by Fergie. Slap me Levi Johnston-stupid and call me Susan Sarandon. Snick, dickity duck.

There was some question in this blog a few years ago as to whether Fergie was hot or scary? The verdict is in, in, in. Hot, hot, hot, with a heaping stack of hot with a huge slice of hot pie.

Fergie? In the words of the Ben Stiller “Tropic Thunder” character in a character, i.e. the dude playing the dude playing the dude, Simple Jack:

“She makes my pee-pee maker t-t-t-tingle.”

Here are just a few of the words I like to shout out around the empty house like the annoying adolescent my brain still is:

Hobastank

Ned Doheny

Husker Du

El Duderino, (if you’re not into that whole brevity thing)

Thule-babe

Snerkin the Gergin.

Home skillet

Party poodle

Hey now, that’s Hanktastic (Larry Sanders)

Pre-tay, pre-tay, pre-tay good. (“Curb”)

That sounds pretty good (Cartman voice from “South Park”)

I like-a-way you tawwwk (“Sling Blade”)

Beeeeee Baaaahhhhs (How Mick Jagger pronounces babies)

“I know, it sounds . . . curayyyzee.” (My horrible Christopher Walken impression)