"The Commitments" long-haired brunette female singer? Good googly moog she is hot

That sloppy ho whored up from the floor up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers




Tennis star Serena Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her obscenity-laced tirade during the US Open. That will teach Serena not to pantomime having sex with Adam Lambert.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers had to place Dirk Johnson and Torrie Cox on injured reserve. The last time a Cox and a Johnson were hurt was when Adam Lambert’s tour bus hit a pot hole.

The Tiger Woods rumors are wild. We have a crashed car, a passed out Tiger, a rumor of an ugly domestic fight over an affair. If Tiger takes his shirt off we would have an episode of “Cops.”

Tiger Woods has declined to talk to the Florida police three times. You know what I would be if I declined talking to the police three times after wrecking my car? Incarcerated.

“Star Trek” is out on DVD, the “Twilight” sequel is out and Fantasy Football playoffs are coming up; this is the most exciting time to be a 30-year-old virgin since they started broadcasting “Dungeons and Dragons” tournaments on cable TV.

The New York party girl allegedly involved with Tiger Woods, Rachel Uchitel, has dated a lot of celebrities. In fact, Uchitel has been connected to more male celebrities than Paris Hilton’s urologist.

Sad news, Shaquille O’Neal’s wife filed for divorce. Gosh, I hope Shaq is going to be OK, I mean, how in earth is a multi-millionaire with a size 23 EEE shoe going to find another woman?


Sad news, Shaquille O’Neal’s wife filed for divorce. Shaq tried to give the marriage another shot, but he missed that shot from the free throw line.

Since you asked:
Can I give you some unsolicited musical listening advice? Get your narrow tuchus on iTunes and download just about everything from the woefully underrated soundtracks from "The Commitments" and "Concert for George." If "TC's" "Dark End of the Street" and Clapton's "Beware of Darkness" don't give you goosebumps, you ain't hooked up right is all.

Especially when you can hear the hurt in Clapton's voice over the loss of his dear friend.

Lord help me, I loves me some rockumentaries. Just ordered the Stones "Gimme Shelter" on blu ray DVD from Amazon. Grilled meat, San Diego Sunsets, red wine, popcorn and you can slap me funky and call me Betty.

Let’s play a wildly innocuous and a little bit sad game of:

If Lex Was Really Rich


Hire a driver/shopper/prep chef who cleans up. That way, if I don’t want to cook, he can. If I do want to cook, he gets the stuff and cleans up. And he drives us wherever we want to go. And then he goes home.

Charter private jets and travel like crazy. Paris, London, Barcelona, Sydney, Milan, Ireland. Finest hotels. Slumming sucks.

Buy a big-ass house in Santa Barbara. It’s only half-an-hour away by charter jet out of Carlsbad. But still live in this house. (Fix up the backyard, of course)

Buy a pretty cool vintage large wooden sailboat.

Buy a really tricked out Airstream and hire a driver.

Start a kick ass stand up paddle board and paddle collection.

Corner the market on antique and unusual harmonicas and harmonica microphones.

Open a really cool comedy club/ blues music/ sports bar close by. (This would closed for my private parties)

Throw a big fun party and hire all of the ex-Eagles to play, Bernie Leadon, Randy Meisner and Don Felder. Fly in friends from out of town.

Give a lot of money to "Make A Wish Foundation" and the ASPCA and Breast Cancer.

In the words of Bubba in "Forrest Gump," that’s about it.