Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Cap Rock in Joshua Tree, key spot in the Seventies L.A. music scene. Gram Parsons took Keith Richards and Anita Pallenberg here to consume copious amounts of tequila, coke and peyote. It was where Gram Parson's body and coffin were burned. And the Eagles first album cover was shot here after a night of copious amounts of tequila, peyote and coke. And I camped there one night in 1977 after copious amounts of Olympia beer.

The bird is the word, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



A women’s sex aide drug is awaiting approval from the FDA, Flibanserin. The way it works is it makes women think all men look like George Clooney.


A women’s sex aide drug is awaiting approval from the FDA, Flibanserin. And what woman would not get turned on by something named as sexy as Flibanserin? Was the name “Shut Up and Do Me, Bitch” taken?


A women’s sex aide drug is awaiting approval from the FDA, Flibanserin. Don’t we already have a women’s sex aid? It’s called: jewelry.


Thanksgiving is coming up. We here comedy writers have a great deal to be thankful for, namely Balloon Boy, Sarah Palin, former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, Jon and Kate, Joe Biden.


“People” named Johnny Depp the Sexiest Man Alive. I made the Sexiest Man Alive issue as well, I was right in between Balloon boy’s dad, Richard Henne, and Chas Bono.


Sunday featured the 1-9 Cleveland Browns versus the 1-9 Detroit Lions; you know what happened? It was amazing, both team lost.

Since you asked:

Here is the deal with Adam Lambert’s wildly over-the-top “AMA” act. Forget the whole annoying gay; “We want to get married" – of which I am in favor - "and teach your children Sunday school and march in a parade in a leather studded thong” hypocritical entitlement.

Attention gay folks: you can go out of your way to shock the hell out of us uptight straight folks, or you can try and fit in to our little prissy and prim world, you can’t demand both at the same time.

What pissed me off about Lampert wasn’t the gayness: a guy in the S&M leash, it wasn’t kissing the keyboard player, it wasn’t pretending to get oral sex. It was the slap in the face of all of us “American Idol” fans who gave Lambert so much unconditional support.

That “AMA” act was one big-ass middle finger to all of us non-homosexuals Lambert fans of which I used to be. Why do gay performers assume being gay makes them more cutting edge? It just makes them gay instead of straight. We straight people have as much sex as gay people, we just do it with the opposite sex.

This didn’t happen at our house, but it could have:

“Oh, daddy, can I stay up and watch that nice boy from right here in San Diego who we liked so much and voted for on “American Idol”?

“Sure honey, you don’t have school this week.”

“Why is that man on a leash? What’s that guy on his knees doing to him? Why did he kiss that boy?"

“Time for bed, Ann Caroline.”

Now either Lambert thought of that possibility or he didn’t. Either way he is complicit. What a selfish, egotistical douche bag Lambert is that he didn’t bother to think through that possible scenario, straight or gay. Kids are kids.

Although I can’t speak for others, that kind of shameless self-promotional egotistical arrogance and average fan disregard will now prevent me from ever buying or listening to another Adam Lambert song or performance.

Something tells me I'm not alone.

And it’s not, as Lambert keeps whining, because he is gay. Can you imagine Carrie Underwood doing that exact same skit with women? Yes, that would be hot to us straight guys instead of repugnant, but it would still be career suicide and wildly inappropriate on national network TV.

But Underwood isn’t arrogant or dumb enough to pull something that stupid.That's why, next year, and many years after that, Underwood will still be a superstar. Adam Lambert will be in "People" magazine's "Where are they now?" issue.