If I make it through my work out, this is what is waiting

Woot to the woot to the woot, woot, woot, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are writing a book. That sound you hear is Ernest Hemingway spinning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken.

Spencer Pratt is writing a book, but it’s been slow going. The writing would progress faster if Spencer learned how to read.

Spencer Pratt has a book due out. “Wow, I can’t wait to buy that Spencer Pratt book” said nobody who wasn’t an utter douche bag.

Farmers in Norway claim they have found a way to increase milk production by giving the cows a soft mattress to rest on; yeah, it increases milk production and Norwegian farmer’s sex lives.

A new study shows men with larger penises have higher self-esteem; which explains why I think I am the greatest human being alive.

A new poll reveals only 29% of Americans feel news organizations get their facts straight; the other 93% are sure they gets their facts wrong.

Earlier this month, Spencer Pratt gave his wife, Heidi Montag, a puppy for her birthday. And to think I felt bad for Jessica Simpson’s dog that was eaten by coyotes.

In Washington State, an insane murderer escaped while on a field trip to a county fair; in a related story, horror author Stephen King and murder movie maker, Quentin Tarantino, are engaged in violent fisticuffs over the rights to this story.

Federal reserve chairman Ben Bernanke says the recession is “very likely over.” The bad news? Your job is very likely over.

A spokesperson for David Hasselhof claims the actor’s hospital stay was due to an ear infection, not alcohol poisoning. Yeah, he got the ear infection by passing out on the floor with a cheeseburger stuck in his ear.