Don't Tase Grandma, Bro, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


In New York, Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor broke her ankle. The bad news? It happened when she fell while being chased by a horny Elliot Spitzer

Hawaii found a note from Abraham Lincoln among its archives. It was a "to do" list. "Free the slaves, check, save the Union, check, appear on "Larry King Live", check."

Even though he has been out since 2007, today Sammy Sosa announced he is thinking of retiring from baseball. In a related story, Dennis Kucinich is seriously considering conceding the presidential election to Barack Obama.

Yep, it looks like Sammy is going to hang up the needle for good.

President Barack Obama took his wife out on a date in New York. Surprisingly, President Bill Clinton thought that was a great idea. But then it was kind of awkward when Clinton said; "You kidding? I'd love to go on a date with Michelle."


Everyone knows about Twitter. You can follow what celebrities are doing all day long. In fact, guys, you can follow Paris Hilton so closely, I strongly recommend you wear a condom.