Thursday, April 30, 2009

We got the fizzy up in the busy . . . I got nothing, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Spect-acles
Long time Republican Senator Arlen Specter, switched to a democrat. In related story, but no relation, today in prison, Phil Spector switched from Bubba’s bitch to Raul’s girlfriend.

Long time Republican Senator Arlen Specter, switched and is now a democrat. Apparently Specter found himself more attracted to hookers than male Senate pages.

Attention
Attention all dyslexics, it is OK to keep drinking all vintages of varietals including cabernet, merlot and chardonnay. It is called the swine flu, not the wines flu.

Bark up the wrong project
South Korean scientists have genetically engineered a beagle that glows in the dark. This will make it easier for South Koreans to spot the dogs during candle lit dinners and midnight buffets.

Yeah, don’t worry about that silly swine flu thing, keep working on that important stuff.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
It was a little awkward when they asked former President Bush what he recommended be done about the pandemic, Bush said; “To end the pandemic always wash your hands after handling a panda.”

Pants on
To give you an idea how bad the swine flu is, to protect himself from lowering his resistance due to the cold, Porky Pig put on a pair of pants.

Muy malo
Due to swine flu, soccer games in Mexico will be played in empty stadiums this weekend; apparently the first symptom of swine flu is to turn everyone into an American sports fans.

To give you an idea how bad the economy is, the rest of the market is doing as badly as my investment in a Mexican pork rind company.

The first symptom of the swine flu? Asking the government for more bailout money.

The good news is we may have a cure for swine flu. The bad news? The antidote for the swine flu is you have to kiss Rush Limbaugh.

To give you an idea how bad things are in Mexico, Mexican officials are begging the drug gangs to only shoot people with the swine flu.

No bueno
Trouble in Mexico, the swine flu epidemic is spreading, the drug violence has escalated and Mexico City had an earthquake. If things get much worse, the US might start looking good to Mexican immigrants again.

Can't be a good sign
Are you tired of all those website ads asking you to take an IQ test? I finally gave up and clicked on an online IQ test. But I couldn’t figure out how to take the test. That can’t be good.

P-I-G
President Barack Obama shot hoops at the White House outdoor court with the champion Connecticut Women’s team. Barack won a game of P-I-G. But it wasn’t fair, Barack invoked the Dick Cheney rule: you have to make the last shot off of a lawyer’s face.

President Barack Obama shot hoops at the White House outdoor court with the champion Connecticut Women’s team. Barack won a game of P-I-G. but because the swine flu, they had to change the name of the game P.I.G. to Rush Limbaugh.