Tuesday, April 07, 2009

We gonna bee bop up on outta this here hang, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Tough times
This economy is tough. Nowadays the only thing Madonna can afford to adopt is a bitchy attitude.

Good move
The space station urine-to-drinking-water purifier continues to malfunction. On a side note, the space shuttle has cancelled All-The-Asparagus-You-Can-Eat night.

Snafu
Who knows how these things happen? Miscommunication? Paperwork snafu? Today Madonna accidentally adopted Bob Costas.

Tough
The economy is tough. Ex-Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich had to lower his bribe to $100 to add him as a Facebook friend.

How tough is it
The economy is so tough, now on all domestic flights, in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, your oxygen masks will deploy for the low, low price of $24.99.

Let’s play, I like that Barack Obama.

He reminds me of the guy at the cocktail party who organizes a game of charades.

He looks like the kind of guy who gets down on his hands and knees to play with your dog. “Hey, Sparky, who is a good boy?”

Barack looks like the kind of guy who likes to brag about his killer Guacamole and Margarita recipes.

I like that Barack Obama. He looks like the kind of guy who actually watches the really depressing segments of “60 Minutes.”

I like that Barack Obama. He looks like the kind of guy who can do a killer impression of Bill Murray’s Carl Spackler on “Caddy Shack.” “It’s in the hole.”

I like that Barack Obama. He looks like the kind of guy who can do a killer “Slingblade” impression. “Hmm, I like per-tay-ters.”

I like that Barack Obama. He reminds me of the dinner guest who not only says he wants to do the dishes, he actually gets up and does them.

Lazy
They unveiled Madam Toussaud’s wax figures of President Barack Obama on the “Today” show. The Obama wax figure looks like they just got lazy and melted together the two statues of Billy Crystal and Chris Rock.

Amazing
In Turkey, President Barack Obama said the U.S. wants to renew its ties with the Muslim world. That’s why this guy is President, he is so smart. Here I am a citizen of the U.S. and I had absolutely no idea I had the faintest desire to renew ties with the Muslim world.

Just doing their job
People say the airlines are gouging us, but I am not sure, I had a lovely flight this weekend. The runway toll fee and the takeoff tax were totally worth it, so was the one time wheel deployment charge before landing and the price of the arrival fee and deplaning surcharge were reasonable.

And one more
I like that Barack Obama
, he reminds me of who my Louisville grandmother Rodgers would meet and say; “Well now, I do declare, isn’t he just the nicest young man?”

Just want to be clear on this
That picture of Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni doing that hug- kiss-kiss cheek hello thing in Paris is not supposed to turn me on, right?

What a time
This is a great time in sports. The NCAA finals just ended, the Masters is starting this week and opening day in Major League Baseball is so recent the players still have the band aids on their butts from their first steroid injection.

Since you asked:
Safety tip: the same inconsiderate rude selfish tools who park and or drop someone off in the red fire lane? They are the same inconsiderate rude selfish tools who then pull out without looking as you try to go around them