The greatest show on dirt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Can’t wait
Waif/model Kate Moss is writing a cook book. And I am going to read it. Right after I finish Cher’s book on how to age gracefully.

Kate has a recipe for seafood lasagna that is so good she doesn’t even throw it up after she eats it.

Like that
The Masters is underway in Augusta Georgia. You know which TV announcer I like? Australia’s Ian Baker-Finch. Especially when he says Par. It sounds like what a sheep calls his father. Paaah.

How I would do it
IBM’s new ad slogan is Let’s Build a Smarter Planet. You know how you build a smarter planet. Step one, shoot Paris Hilton. Step two, hide Jessica Simpson, step three, shoot Paris Hilton again.

Bless Bill
A former Miss USA runner up, Roxani Saberi, is in prison in Iran for espionage. Or as Bill Clinton calls her; “The Spy Who I Wish Shagged Me.”

That’s what happens
In Costa Rica there were reports of gunfire at Tom Brady and Giselle Bunchin’s wedding. That’s what happens when you ask Adam “Pacman” Jones to be your best man.

And this was embarrassing, later that night Tom pulled a Plaxico Burris and fired a shot in his pants.

Facebook
You folks know about Facebook? It’s amazing. You know all those people you’ve known who you haven’t wanted to contact for years? Now they can pester you with boring information about themselves all the time. “Oh look, Darryl is stuck in traffic . . . again.”

Guys, you know all those girls you hooked up with and never called back? Now they can find you and really tell you what they think of you.

Remember that weird smelly kid in fifth grade who always invited you to play at his house, so you had to constantly make excuses? Now he can tell you what he is doing every day.