Wednesday, March 04, 2009

You better text yourself before you wrecks yourself, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

There is a lot of snow in New York.
Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer hired a hooker to shovel his driveway.

A
Russian man downed an entire bottle of Viagra in a successful bet to pleasure two women for 12 hours but then he died of a heart attack.
In the event of a cardiac arrest lasting more than four hours, please consult a physician.

Ex-Ill Gov. Rod Blagojevich has signed to write a tell-all book.
The working title is: “Lather, Rinse, Lie, Repeat.”

Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen got married.
For guys who feel upset about missing their chance to marry Giselle there is a message board and chat room at
WWW.Whenpigsfly.com.

A Nebraska man was charged with animal cruelty when he tried to calm his cat down by stuffing her in a clear plastic box attached to a bong-like garden hose he then used to smoke marijuana. The cat is OK, it did not calm down but now it is considered an Olympic medal caliber swimmer.

Airlines might charge us to use the bathroom.
Not only that, but when you flush and that blue water shoots up and hits your butt, they’ll charge you an extra $100 for a colon cleansing.

A Russian man downed an entire bottle of Viagra in a successful bet to pleasure two women for 12 hours but then he died of a heart attack.
This will pose three challenges for the mortician: 1, getting the women off of him, two getting the smile off his face and, 3, closing the coffin lid.

How about that storm in the East?
In New York it was so nasty the New York Mets stayed in the cellar on purpose.

In California, a hot 24-year-old teacher had sex with her 16-year-old male student.
The boy is undergoing intensive psychological therapy in a desperate attempt to stop his incessant bragging.

Dice Clay appears on Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice.”
Or as I like to call it; “Why The Rest of the World Hates Us.”

Dice Clay appears on Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice.”
You know what is good about Donald Trump and Dice Clay? Yeah, neither do I.

Dennis Rodman and Dice Clay appear with Donald Trump on “Celebrity Apprentice.”
If a bomb went off in that room, the douche bag factor in this country would drop 10%.