Thursday, March 05, 2009

I want to go to that place, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It was so cold in New York . . .
Alex Rodriguez got back with Madonna just for the hot flashes.

The Dow came back a little today.
In a similar story, Amy Winehouse took a vitamin pill with her crack this morning.

In Ohio, a woman was arrested for driving while breast-feeding her baby.
She was charged with child endangerment and the lesser charge of impersonating Britney Spears.

At a construction site here in San Diego, scientists discovered the fossil remains of a mammoth right on top of the fossil remains of a whale.
A mammoth on top of a whale? Do realize what this means? That had to be the site of the very first Hometown Buffet.

In California, a hot blonde 24-year-old teacher was charged with having sex with her 16-year-old male student.
When I was in school, the hot teacher wouldn’t let me stick my pencil in her electric sharpener.

Officials became suspicious when the teacher added the student to her Sit-On-My-Facebook page.

There weather was so bad in New York . . .
Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer hired a hooker named Storm.

A Russian man downed an entire bottle of Viagra in a successful bet to pleasure two women for 12 hours, but then he died of a heart attack.
He will be buried with full honors at the Tomb of the Typical Dumb Drunk Guy in the section of the cemetery normally reserved for inebriated go-cart and potato cannon victims.