There is a celebrity sex tape making the internet rounds, this one has “Austin Powers” Mini Me Verne Troyer. You know what they say? Once you go gnome you can’t go back home. Once you go dwarf into a sex fiend you’ll morph. Once you go tiny you’ll always want that little hiene.
Californians are flocking to Mexico to buy gas because it’s 50% cheaper. But I’m not sure about the quality of gas, when you fill up they ask if you want it on the rocks or blended, salt or no salt?
The Supreme Court has ruled it is legal to carry a handgun. This answers the proverbial question of what’s in your pants or are you just glad to see me.
Or something like that
The Fresno State Bulldogs, defeated the Georgia Bulldogs 6-1 to win the College World Series. Fresno State’s Steve Detwiler hit two homers and had all six RBI’s. Interesting sidebar: Detwiler is a German name that means: “I will always get lucky in Fresno.”
Scientists are working on a drug that could help cure gambling addiction. The really tricky part of making the anti-gambling drug? Fixing it so the drug stops working if you’re winning.
So that’s where she went
An American hiker stranded in the Bavarian Alps for nearly three days was rescued after using her sports bra as a signal. I was wondering what happened to Brandi Chastain after she shot the winning penalty kick in the 1999 Women’s World Cup.
Easy, Lex, calm down, big guy
Wimbledon is under way and Russia’s Maria Sharapova was upset in the second round. In case you don’t follow women’s tennis, Sharapova is a tall striking blonde with incredibly long legs and every time she hits the ball she grunt/screams. It’s almost as if she is in pain, not serious pain but pain like from, oh, let’s say being spanked, spanked repeatedly on her high and tight butt with let’s say a ping pong paddle, spanked over and over like a naughty, naughty school girl who promises to be a good girl from now on, spanked until her taut, high buttocks cheeks are the shiny scarlet hue of a red balloo . . . huh? Oh, I’m sorry. What was I talking about? That’s right, way to go go Fresno State Bulldogs.
Since you asked:
In my humble opinion – and, honestly, what opinion could be more important than that? – the two most interesting categories of rock and roll bands are “The Most Over-Rated” and “The Most Under-Rated.”
The most under-rated? In my opinion – see above – it is a three-way tie between Buffalo Springfield, the Flying Burrito Brothers and Poco. Yes, I know they are all close and have had members in all three.
But the guitar picking, the electric guitar riffs, the four part harmonies, the vocals, the songs and lyrics, all first rate. As pure musicians, I am willing to bet they could have gone toe-to-toe with the super bands “Blind Faith” and “Cream.” And, no offense to their deserved legendary status, as pure technical musicians, they would kick the Beatles’ ass. (I drum better than Ringo and I can’t drum. And, to get his songs put on the White Album, George Harrison had to bring in to the studio Eric Clapton. And to have decent keyboards on “Let It Be” Paul had to bring in Billy Preston.)
And yet none of those three bands made it close to the lofty regions of rock royalty in terms of money and fame like their contemporaries America, Credence Clearwater Revival, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, The Birds The Doobie Brothers and the Eagles.
So that makes the Most Over-Rated bands a tie from the same era and the same state, a tie with “Jefferson Starship”and “Jefferson Airplane.” They were hack/crap musicians who were so stoned they couldn’t play well if they could have.
For reasons nobody can explain to me, maybe because she was being compared to Janis Joplin – a great performer but no beauty queen - Grace Slick is considered a rock diva beauty. First of all, she wasn’t even good looking, and secondly, there is the slight little problem of the small fact that she couldn’t sing a single note on key if you put a gun to her head.
As I have stated before, there are only three distinct tiers of rock and roll bands in the world. There are The Legends, the Great-to-Really Good, and Everybody Else. The Legends pick themselves, we have no choice, it is a question of timing and history. You don’t even have to like them, as many don’t like Bob Dylan, Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin or the Doors, but you can’t argue that they aren’t legends. Beatles, U2, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Bruce Springsteen, Stones, the Who, Clapton, Cream, Ray Charles, Van Morrison, Johnny Cash, Chuck Berry, etc. As a point of reference, I place the Eagles in The Legends but some might not.
As my buddy Bryan Crane put it so well, there is honor in the second tier, Great to Good. You own their albums and pay big money to go see their concerts. These are some great bands, like the Doobie Brothers or Steely Dan, they just aren’t quite legends. Aerosmith is a classic top end second tier band. So is Bon Jovi. As great as he is and they are, even Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are in the second tier. AC/DC is a great band but they are a second tier band. Van Halen is a basic second tier band. Love Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefers but they are a second tier band.
What is an example of an Everybody Else Third Tier band? Bachman Turner Overdrive. Golden Earing. My buddy Ray will pitch a fit, but a classic example is Foghat. My buddy Juan will pitch a fit, but REO Speedwagon is a third tier band. Boston is a solid third tier band.
The Jefferson Whatever are considered legends but they are a bad Everybody Else band. Now that is what I call over-rated.
Read the sickeningly bad and sappy lyrics of “Miracles” the Starships only big hit. OK, in the name of full disclosure, I do admit that, at the time, drunk with puppy love, Old Style beer and adolescent hormones, I loved this song, but that was only because it reminded me of when I made out with Becky Thompson in Wilmette on her back porch swing during a balmy late-spring shower. Sigh. Or was it a tropical and warm Indian Summer early fall day? Hmm.
I know, love is the answer
Keeps holding this world together
Aint nothing better
Aint nothing better
And all the answers to our prayers
Hell , its the same everywheres, baby
Nothing ever breaks up the heartOnly tears give you away
Then youre right where I found ya
With my arms around ya
Oh baby, baby, baby, love is a magic word, yeah
Few ever find in a lifetime
But from that very first look in your eyes
I knew you and I had but one heart
Only our bodies were apart
That was so easy, so easy
I had a taste of the real world
When I went down on you, girl.
Are they frickin’ kidding? I had a taste of the real world when I went down on you girl? How did they sing this thing with a straight face? Spinal Tap had better songs and they were trying to suck so much they would be funny.
To give you an idea how crappy The Jefferson Whatever-Flying-Contraption were, they replaced Kiss on my Most Over-Rated rock and roll bands list.
And Kiss had the most over-rated human being on the planet – next to Queen Latifah - in Gene Simmons.