Wanna-be porn stars can attend a porn camp in Tampa FLA where the camp counselors don’t just blow whistles.
In other words
In Iraq it is reported that sects of Shiites are attacking other Shiites, at least according to one of the sect’s leaders, or, as he is also known, a real Shiite head.
In Iraq it is reported that sects of Shiites are attacking other Shiites, so many Shiites are hiding in filthy trenches, or as they are also known, real Shiite holes.
Or do that
The latest cell phone advance is voice activated text messages. You can send a text message by just talking on the phone. Or as it is also known: leaving a message after the beep.
The latest cell phone advance is voice activated text messages. You can send a text message by just talking on the phone. Wow, voice-texting, videos, songs, pictures, e-mails, next thing you know you’ll be able to use a phone to talk to another person.
Stay away from those
Barack Obama went bowling and shot a 37. As a result, Hillary Clinton has challenged him to a bowling match. That’s fine, just don’t try to beat Hillary at softball, hiking or arm wrestling.
There is evidence that al Qaeda is recruiting non-Arab westerners as terrorists. They’re slogan to recruit westerners is very effective: “Dude, seriously, how else are you going to get 72 virgins?”
Three big things
John McCain is looking for a running mate. It has to be someone with political clout, who knows economics and who can read McCain the menu at Cocos.
John McCain is considering possible running mates. When asked if McCain may chose a woman like Condoleeza Rice, an anonymous source at the McCain campaign said; “No, the Senator has a strict bros before ho’s policy.”
Oakland Raiders Coach Lane Kiffin was asked by reporters what it was like to work for Al Davis.He paused, then said, "I need a sip of water." In a related story, the CIA discloses if you are kidnapped by terrorists, and you want to alert authorities, utter the phrase: “I need a sip of water.”
Name that noise
Mariah Carey passed Elvis Presley on the list of most # 1 singles; and besides Mariah, that grating high- pitched noise you hear is Charles Darwin spinning in his grave.
While in Philadelphia, Hillary Clinton compared herself to Rocky. Yeah, she said once on a trip to Bosnia she chugged raw eggs before dodging sniper bullets.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day
President Bush said we don’t have a recession here in the United States. And he is right, our economy is so bad it is now hurting the entire rest of the world.
It really happened
Here we are with the baseball season underway and it is official, Barry Bonds is not in baseball anymore; be careful what you wish for. Bonds always demanded to eat, dress and shower apart from his teammates and now he really is.
Here we are with the baseball season underway and it is official, Barry Bonds is not in baseball anymore; his syringe is all dressed up with nowhere to go.
That explains it
“The Today Show” features cooking segments at the end of the show. You know why there are no cooking segments on “The View”? None of those chicks can shut up long enough to eat.
Since you asked:
What is happening to Bill and Hillary Clinton is a direct reversal of fortune from what happened when they were in the White House. The polls show Bill getting creamed, bam, that crazy old coot Ross Perot reenters the race and kills Bush.
Despite experts saying he had nearly nothing to do with it, Bill got all the credit for an economy that thrived just when he came to office. And Clinton received no blame for the increase in terrorism during his term despite passing on three separate chances to bomb Osama bin Laden to Bolivian, as Mike Tyson so elecutionally put it.
Now nothing Bill Clinton or Hillary Clinton can do is right even when it is right. Hillary comes out with a sensible tax-change approach to lower gas prices and she is lambasted for being unfair to the oil tycoons. And those “Saturday Night Live” skits with the press bending over backwards to smooch Barack’s butt aren’t funny for no reason. Humor requires a dose of honest reality.
It certainly doesn’t help when Hillary goes around spreading lies about dodging bullets and sprinting to a car in Bosnia despite film proving she did not. And every red-faced tirade Bill throws in front of the press makes him look more and more desperately crazy at the real possibility of becoming politically impotent, excuse my ironic metaphor.
But beyond that, where Bill and Hillary were once seen as passionate they now just seem, well, bitchy and mean. And as stories of their behind-the-scenes cruelty - to not only political foes but also their own staff members and former White House employees - increase as their power diminishes, if Hillary goes down and takes Bill with her, the ever-trickling rumors of their viscous misdeeds will turn into a drowning tidal wave forever dousing their political fire.
(Oh my, Lex, you silver-fingered devil, you)
But where Bill and Hillary are dead wrong is when they say that Hillary is the only democratic candidate who can beat McCain. If Barack wins, the growing number of Independents will have a tough decision to make. If Hillary wins, the Independents will flee in abject terror to McCain. The hard-core liberals and conservatives aren’t going to be swayed either way.
Maybe it is wishful thinking, but I have to believe there is a growing swell of people who are put off by the shrill self-righteousness of both the angry left and the religious right. This election is about winning the hearts and minds of skeptical and leery ever-growing Independents. And it just does not seem like Hillary can do it.
Even though she can bowl better than Barack. But then again, who can't?