It set to get all tookus on our tookus, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


So sad
Director Guy Ritchie and Madonna are getting divorced. For the children’s sake they tried to act like their marriage was OK, but, sadly, as everyone knows, Madonna can’t act.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
It was revealed that Pope John Paul had been attacked by a knife and cut in 1982, but he didn’t want anyone to know. It was awkward, when informed the Pope had been lacerated, President Bush said; “I didn’t know he drank.”

Initial here
The Oliver Stone movie “W.” opens Friday; “W.” is rated PG 13 and it essentially tells Bush F.U.

Not as dumb as he looks
The Oliver Stone movie “W.” opens Friday and it portrays Bush as a moron. But see, Bush is smart. By Friday, the economy will be so bad nobody will have any money to go see “W.” Bush is a genius.

Be fierce, team
Chicago is going to open a gay high school; their team is going to be the Fightin’ Clay Aikens. Their football team isn’t so great but their uniforms are stunning.

Cracking down
Dallas Cowboy Adam “Pacman” Jones has been suspended by the NFL indefinitely; it’s part of the NFL’s tough new “Thirty Two Strikes and You’re Out” policy.

Yuck
The toilet on the international space station is broken again. Two things you never, ever want to combine besides octogenarian and stripper are a broken toilet and zero gravity.

Not good
Adam “Pacman” Jones has been suspended indefinitely by the NFL for getting into a fight with his bodyguard. That’s something that doesn’t look good on a bodyguard’s resume. “What’s this about you getting beat up by your client?”

Adam Jones doesn’t go by the nickname “Pacman” anymore. He prefers his new name: Adam “Recidivist” Jones.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia
Maureen McCormick, the actress who played Marcia on “The Brady Bunch” wrote a tell-all autobiography where she admits to once having a big cocaine habit. In fact, in that scene where Marcia gets hit in the nose with a football? White powder flew out. .