Friday, September 19, 2008

Chilliolaxify, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

No big deal
In their interview, Charles Gibson ridiculed Sarah Palin for not knowing the Bush Doctrine. That’s no big deal. You know who else doesn’t know the Bush Doctrine? President Bush.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
In a speech on the ailing economy President Bush, said; “I know that the entrepreneurial spirit is high.” Embarrassingly, Bush went on to add; “And we love the good people of Entreprenuria.”

Fierce
In Nebraska, police are searching for a man who smears Vaseline on his rear end and then presses it against store windows; police say that the man is to be considered armed and fabulous.

It better happen
The economy is in the tank, gas prices are out the roof, unemployment is up. I’m telling you right now, if our hockey team doesn’t upset the Soviets in the Winter Olympics, we’re screwed.

Not to be confused with Groundhog Day
Last week, Russia had a “Day of Conception” where they encourage people to have sex and increase the population. Or as we call that: the company Christmas party.

Name game
The government had to bail out the insurance company AIG despite the fact they have over a trillion dollars in assets. Today they had to change the name from AIG to M.C. Hammer.

Way back when
An aide to John McCain said McCain had a hand in inventing the BlackBerry. Or, as the BlackBerry was known back when McCain was working on it: the Abacus.

Yikes
Former New York Mets minor leaguer and actor, Joseph Petcka, is being accused of murdering his girlfriend’s cat, Norman, in a drunken jealous rage. Petcka faces considerable prison time where the last words he will ever hear will be; “So what are you in for, pretty boy?”

Or something like that
An aide to John McCain said McCain had a hand in inventing the BlackBerry. It was a misunderstanding, what he meant is that McCain first discovered that eating blackberries can stain your dentures.

Since you asked:
Believe me, I can hear you. What you’re asking is “Lex, pal, buddy, broheim, righteous standup paddlin’ surfing, comedy writin’, harp whalin’, grill master dude, where do you stand on the whole Jay/Conan thang?”

First of all, I said don’t call me broheim. Second, it’s fascinating.

“Rolling Stone” had an entire issue devoted to comedy and Jay Leno was only mentioned insofar as Conan was mentioned about the NBC switch. What? That is pretty silly since the guy has the number one rated talk show by far and has had it since Hugh Grant got street skull and spilled his guts to Jay.

The “RS” issue on comedy claims that what was funny ten years ago isn’t funny now. There is a new angst/tension trend in comedy, ala Borat, and the punch line is now seen as corny. Really? The two funniest movies ever made are “Some Like It Hot” and “Young Frankenstein” and they were made a long time ago. Granted, people dress, talk and act different now, but they are still funny.

My ten-year-old daughter hit the floor laughing like she was being brutally tickled when she watched the Marx Brothers classic “Duck Soup” when Groucho had Chico on the stand and said;

“Chicolini may look like an idiot, he may talk like an idiot, but don’t be fooled. He really is an idiot.”

That’s a timelessly funny line and a then-nine-year old girl knew it.

“I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.”

That stuff is gold.

There are a group of younger-ish/hip comedians who seem to feel they are way too politically savvy and upset to lower themselves to try and be funny and that gets really old fast. A well crafted joke is a well crafted joke. To quote the philosophy of none other than Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers; “Don’t bore us, get to the chorus.”

Stop lecturing and get to the giggles, slappy.

As far as Jay and Conan go, the simplest explanation is the best: the NBC executives made an idiotic decision. Anyone who doesn’t think top executives at top organizations aren’t capable of being idiotic has not been following the news or the market lately.

Conan went to NBC and said, I can’t keep going at 12:30, give me 11:30 or I am out. NBC panicked and gave it to him. But at the time it was many years down the line. NBC’s thinking – or more accurately their lack of thinking - was that maybe things with Jay will work themselves out. They were wrong. Jay doesn’t want to quit and Conan isn’t going to wait. NBC botched this one up but good. They are going to lose Jay or Conan or both. Someone at NBC is going to have to start wearing adult diapers.

Anyone who thinks Conan can’t make it at 11:30 doesn’t follow Conan. He is way too smart and motivated to not make it work. If you saw the shows O’Brien does in Chicago and San Francisco, you can’t help but be impressed with his entire crew. They are silly – i.e., the masturbating bear – but they are sharp. Tina Fey sharp.*

And, on the other hand, nobody has more viewer loyalty than Jay Leno. He makes more people comfortable than O’Brien and Letterman and they will follow him. Dave himself, in the “RS” interview, said he did not have a dog in this hunt and he is glad.

So, without any inside information at all, it is my feeling that it will be “The Jay Leno Show” or maybe just "Leno" on ABC, Fox or HBO. Probably ABC. For the first time in history we will have the choice of three great talk show hosts at 11:30. Will that work? There are 300 million potential viewers in this country alone. Of course it will work. And Leno, Letterman and O’Brien are far too talented for it not to work.

Think of Jon Stewart and Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Kimmel as the talk show equivalents of the Green Bay Packers’ Aaron Rodgers: Stars on the bench waiting for the legends to go.

All I can say is god bless the DVR.







*Saw “Baby Mamma” last night. Moments of brilliance worthy of Tina and Amy, but, in the end, it falls apart like a wet taco shell. One of the funniest scenes was featured in the edited scenes. The Babwa Wawa-talking Lamaze instructor nursing her 15-year-old son.