Friday, May 09, 2008

We may have to go nitro and drop us some funk bombs up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Booked up
Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina Lohan, was voted mother-of-the-year by a group of Long Island Mothers; apparently Amy Winehouse’s mom was booked.

Shocking
Barbara Walters’s new biography has caused a stir; like the time she accidentally stumbled into ‘The View” dressing room of Rosie O’Donnell and caught Rosie getting steroids injected into her ass by Roger Clemens.

Putting the woo who in SDSU
There was a huge drug bust at San Diego State, including cocaine, Ecstasy and Marijuana; it was such a big drug bust, they will now have to rename the college San Diego Altered State.

There was a huge drug bust at San Diego State that involved six fraternities. The worst drug frat? Snoopa-chi Doggie-phi.


Bawa Wawa
Barbara Walters new biography is creating controversy; in her day, she got around. Barbara revealed she has a butt tattoo that says “Let’s Get Weady to Wumble”

Hoisting with the townies
The politicians are drinking with locals. Hillary Clinton did shots in Pennsylvania, Barack Obama had a beer in North Carolina, John McCain downed Metamucil in Miami.

A stand up guy
A New York congressman, Vito Fossella, said he fathered a child in an extramarital affair right after his arrest for drunk driving. Drunk driving and a child out-of-wedlock? Compared to the current and ex-governors in that area who are using drugs, hookers and having gay three-ways, this Vito guy is a family values icon.

Not since then
The Olympic torch was carried to the top of Mount Everest; this is the highest an Olympic torch carrier has ever been if you don’t count the time the torch went through San Diego State.

Two charges
Amy Winehouse was arrested in London for possession of illegal drugs; in addition, Winehouse faces the lesser charge of impersonating Marge Simpson.

Amy Winehouse was arrested in London for possession of illegal drugs; on the bright side, Winehouse was asked to be the commencement speaker at San Diego State.

So that is where she got it . . .
Despite all evidence that she is fighting a losing cause, despite everyone telling her there is no hope, despite all signs it’s over, Hillary Clinton is sticking with it. She got the idea from her marriage.

Weather playa
One of the male broadcasters on “The Weather Channel” was sued for sexual harassment by his female co-anchor; it seems he tried to put his Doppler radar into her troposphere.

Sad
To show how bad it is for Hillary Clinton, today Bill Clinton could only get the drive-through cashier at McDonalds to listen to his red-faced rant.

Good news, I guess . . .
Democratic icon super delegate George McGovern has switched from Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama; this is really good news for Obama if the election was in 1972.