Saturday, May 17, 2008

First chink in the armor, Ted and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Much better deal
UPS has signed a marketing deal with Kentucky Derby winner Big Brown; this is a much better corporate deal than the one given to the horse named Elmers.

Whoa
On NBC’s New York local 4 news broadcast, co-anchor Sue Simmons dropped a live F-bomb. It was so shocking it knocked Jane Fonda right on her C-word.

Not good
Hillary Clinton’s campaign is in debt for $20 million, in fact, if Hillary’s campaign loses anymore money, they will have to legally change their name to NBC.

Yah
California has rejected the gay marriage ban. Asked to comment, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said; “Yah, now it is legal for guys to get married and put their Pinklewursts in their Düsseldorf’s.”

Options
On NBC’s New York local 4 news broadcast, co-anchor Sue Simmons dropped a live F-bomb. The bad news is Simmons could lose her job. The bright side is she can always be the New York Knicks color commentator.

Hillary’s cash flow
It is getting downright pathetic at Hillary Clinton’s campaign headquarters; they bounced a check to the dry cleaners so 50 of Hillary’s pants suits are being held as collateral.

It is getting downright pathetic at Hillary Clinton’s campaign; today, Bill Clinton flew into another red-faced rant when the iHop iIat manager who wouldn’t take their check.

To give you an idea how broke Hillary Clinton’s campaign is, today Bill Clinton’s credit card was denied at Hooters.

Hillary Clinton’s campaign is $24 mil in debt, she is losing super delegates and endorsements daily. Things haven’t looked this bad for Hillary since she walked in on Bill congratulating the winner of the White House Intern hot dog eating contest.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
During a campaign stop, Barack Obama said he has campaigned in all 57 states; to which President Bush replied; “Heck, even I know there are only 53 states.”

Pet work peeves
“Time” magazine had an article on the top ten most annoying workplace habits. For example, repeatedly clicking your pen, bad breath, talking too loudly on the phone and the most annoying workplace habit? Using the copier to take pictures of Barbara Walters’s naked butt.

Babs getting’ some
Barbara Walters continues to push her surprisingly racy autobiography, “Audition.” Today, Barbara was on Regis and Kelly. Not the talk show, she was on Regis and Kelly.

Barbara Walters’s autobiography is surprisingly racy. Remember NBC journalist legend Edward R. Murrow’s sign off “Goodnight and Good Luck?” Thanks to Barbara, for a while it was “Goodnight and I got lucky.”