Friday, May 02, 2008

Don’t fake the funk while we bend the block, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Just kidding, Julia B. Voodschteps
Wesley Snipes has been sentenced to three years in prison for tax evasion and Snipes has requested to do the time in New Jersey, or as that known in legal terms: pleading insanity.

Hack
It’s less than one hundred days until the Beijing Olympics, but runners, don’t hold your breath. Save it for when have to hold your breath during your smoggy race.

‘Tain’t nothin’
Magician David Blaine set the world record for holding his breath on “Oprah” just over 17 minutes. That’s nothing, on “The View” Joy Behar once talked for one hour without inhaling.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
The Chicago Cubs new Japanese star slugger, Kosuke Fukudome, is on the cover of “Sports Illustrated.” It was a little awkward, when told the cover of “Sports Illustrated” had Fukudome, President Bush said; “I don’t like them domes neither, baseball should be played outside.”

What the . . ?
CNN’s Richard Quest was arrested at one night at 3:40 am in Central Park with crystal meth, a rope tied around his neck and genitals and with a sex toy in his boot, but now he says he is in therapy. Who’s his therapist, George Michaels?

Since you asked:

Speaking of San Diego, our regular readers – shout out to all five of you – know that I frequently rant and rail against the homogenous (Heh, he said homo) boredom of Carmel Valley. But not this week. This week you best recognize the C to the V to the whassap, whoop, whoop, whoop. (Raise that roof)

Two thangs –well, three but we are putting the tragic shark attack behind us - happened that made living in the ghetto of Del Mar more interesting. You know how you have strangers, and then when you see them a lot, but they are still strangers but you kinda know them? Then, you get to know their name or their kids and they aren’t friends but they aren’t strangers? And then if you talk to them and like them, now they may not be friends who you socialize with, but they are more than acquaintances?

That is how we are with a cool guy named Faran Tahir. (Who?) Trust me, if things keep going for him the way they are going, you will know that name.

Faran Tahir is a dad at Ann Caroline’s school whose son, Jovan, a very nice kid, is a friend and former classmate of Ann Caroline. She went to his birthday party, he went to hers, etc. And Faran and his wife, a striking woman, whose name I just spaced but should know, and, without sounding, well, homogenous, he is a handsome dude himself, but they are both friendly and interesting. He is one of the dads you are glad to see as she is one of the good moms.

Well, my man, Faran, prior to this a successful character actor, up and landed a lead role in “Iron Man.” No lie, the terrorist who attacks and kidnaps Robert Downey Jr.’s character, Tony Stark, who is eventually Iron Man, Raza, is Faran. Cool, huh? He has been in a ton of things like “24” and “ER” and does voice-overs and commercials. We talked back when he was shooting the desert scenes out in Lone Pine. He said Downey is unbelievably nice. Which is exactly what I wanted to hear.

The only drag is that I finally have a famous guy for a pal and I got no dirt on the guy. He really is genuinely nice. Next time I see Faran, I am going to give him a heads-up that, as his career goes crazier and crazier, he and I will automatically become exponentially closer friends. As of right now, I am not positive, but I think I saved his life once.

The other wild thing, though not cool for her, is the story of Marie Walsh. A classic model 53-year-old Carmel Valley mom, with two teenage kids, who I’ve waved hello to at our snotty gym many times, but unlike the snotty members, she waves back. Get this: she got busted for living on the lam for 32 years as a small-time heroin dealer named Susan Lafavre, (No, not the hot Florida teacher, Debbie, who nailed her student) who busted out of prison in Michigan after getting a 10-to 20 year sentence.

Yes, there are rules and laws and people shouldn’t go selling heroin – even just $200 worth as is her case- and busting out of prison, but there is also common sense. Nobody will be served to have this wife and mother of two tossed in prison for ten years. The judicial system could build some great faith with the public by just being decent and letting her slide.

Let’s get us a “Free Marie” t-shirt, shall we?

Maybe we can get Faran to put together a movie about Debbie/Maria? And let’s make it a comedy and hire you-know-who to joke up the script? Have my people call your people, people.