Thursday, April 10, 2008

Slickity slackidy on the diggidy dackity, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Just wondering
Scientists in England claim they have combined human DNA with cow DNA; apropos of nothing, I wonder what Rosie O’Donnell is up to these days?

Or
Scientists in England claim they have combined human DNA with cow DNA; the cow DNA is from a cow named Rosie and the human DNA is from someone named O’Donnell.

Oh, yeah, for that reason too
Canada may boycott the Beijing Summer Olympics because of China’s treatment of Tibet; that and the fact that the only athletes Canada has in the Summer Olympics are one-armed badminton player and a synchronized swimmer who is allergic to chlorine.

Not a clue
Kansas beat Memphis to win the NCAA men’s championship. The Kansas cheer is “Rock, chalk, Jayhawk” but nobody knows what it means. Kind of like the term; “US-Iraq exit strategy”, nobody has a clue what that means.

Well, that’s something at least
When the Beijing Olympic torch was confronted by protestors in Paris, the French police snuffed-out the torch and slunk away with it on a bus. On the bright side, they didn’t just surrender the torch over to a bunch of Germans.

Catchy
Barack Obama got the endorsement of Jane Fonda. Yeah, and Jane also wrote Barack a nice limerick about the campaign: We can’t read it but it’s titled; “Why Hillary Isn’t In Front.”

Yikes
Rumors of John McCain’s temper are circulating and one is that, at a campaign rally, an angry McCain called his wife, Cindy, the worst word you can call a woman. Let’s just say even Jane Fonda was shocked.

Rumors of John McCain’s temper are circulating and one is that, at a campaign rally, an angry McCain called his wife, Cindy, the worst word you can call a woman. No woman deserves to be called that, but especially a pretty blonde beer heiress worth $100 million. What, is he nuts?

Rumors of John McCain’s temper are circulating and one is that, at a campaign rally, an angry McCain called his wife, Cindy, the worst word you can call a woman. Now, I don’t want to say who leaked these rumors, but one works for someone whose name rhymes with Dillary Blinton.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
The head of the Iraq war General David Patreaus, testified before the Senate. It was a little awkward, when told congress was grilling Patreaus, President Bush said; “Oh, man, I love barbequed fish. That Patreaus is good eatin’.”

How bad?
Experts predict a really bad hurricane season. It is so bad, hurricanes actually could have a worse season than the Detroit Tigers.

The Detroit Tigers are 0 and 7. At this point even Ralph Nader is laughing at them.

Caution
Experts predict a bad hurricane season. In Florida, authorities are recommending that all coastal- dwelling high school boys have sex with their female teachers at least two miles inland.


Since you asked:

So you ask, Lex, buddy, broheimerstine, how do you make such amazing cheeseburgers? Is it because you have the German word for cheese, Käse and Berg in your last name? No, smart ass, it is because, like I have said before, you must treat your burgers as you would a mentally challenged steak. Give it all the love and care you would a steak and then some. And don’t ever call me broheimerstine again. Are we clear on that, soldier? Outstanding.

First get 20% fat to 80% meat. Any leaner is too dry. Don’t worry, Dr. Diet, a lot of the fat drips off while grilling.

Do not make the patties too big, just to the border of the bun, no farther. And when they are a perfect hockey puck shape, indent the top. This will keep the patties from balling up. (If you’re the guy who presses down on the burgers with a spatula to keep them from balling up, please leave this blog immediately. Now. I’m not kidding) Give the burgers a solid dusting of garlic powder and pepper, and float a good steak sauce on top of the burger and let them rest.

Heat up the grill to very hot. Right before you put the burgers on add sea salt. When they touch the grill you should hear sizzling. After three minutes, flip, after another three add a slice of muenster cheese and cook for one more minute with the lid closed to melt the cheese.

Toast the buns while the burgers rest, mayo on the bottom bun, ketchup on the top, a bed of lettuce on the bottom bun, then put on the burger. On the top bun add pickles and grilled onions along with the ketchup.

Serve with a tall frosty beer and a Cubs game of your choice.


Hot damn I gots to start charging for these pearls.