Thursday, November 29, 2007

Oh, it gonna do how it do when it gonna do what it do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Fiesty ol’ gents

Things got heated during the republican debate between Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney. Well, heated for old, rich, white guys. At one point I believe the words balderdash and folderol were thrown about.

Things got heated during the republican debate between Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney. Well, heated for old, rich, white guys. It got so bad that members of Rudy and Mitt’s entourage engaged in a joint drive-by snubbing.

Things got heated during the republican debate between Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney. Well, heated for old, rich, white guys. At one point, Mitt scoffed at Rudy’s golf handicap and Rudy implied Mitt drank cheap six-year-old scotch.

Since you asked:
Just now I was reminiscing about the glorious Miss Teen South Carolina Map speech and it reminded me that a staple of comedy is somebody trying to sound a lot smarter than they are. Don King is a perfect example. He is hysterical and he has no idea why.

One of the comedy constants in my youth, growing up in the late Sixties in the Chicago area, was when the news would interview Chicago Police live at the crime scene. In the interest of a little background, it was fairly common knowledge that Chicago cops then were the toughest in the country. As we all saw, unfortunately, during the 1968 Democratic protests, the cops were mostly boarderline criminal thugs hired by the first Mayor Daley to crack skulls and they were good at it. What they weren’t good at was standing in front of a camera desperately trying to sound intelligent.

Sadly, as Chicago police now are much better educated and in these public relation situations, the Chicago Police finally realized they sounded like idiots so thus was born the slick and professional Police spokesperson. And so, tragically, the hilarity of the on-the-spot Chicago cop interview went the way of the buffalo.

But in the good ol’ days I would watch the evening news enthralled as the reporter would push a glassy-eyed, clearly terrified-stiff Sgt. Wolkowski in front of a camera and foist a microphone in his face. With abject terror choking his throat and a thick, thick Chicago accent filled with dah’s, dee’s, do’s dem’s and dat's, what resulted was high hilarity.

The next day on the playground at Crow Island elementary school we would take turns, Howie, Duncan and me, doing our best Sgt. Wolkowski in a voice ratchetted-up to Christopher Lloyd as Dr. Emmitt Brown in “Back to the Future” meets "SNL's" "Dah Bearssss" skit.

“Ehhhhh, dah perpetrator in said, uh, alleged malfeasance entered said domicile in what appears to be, uh, a illegal orientated forcible interlude. Dee alleged perpetrator den' confiscated wit’ a variety of dah electrical appliances and such various sundries. Uh, witnesses said dah alleged perpetrator was of dee male Caucasian persuasion . . .allegedly. Uh, the investigation of the perpetrator will go on in perpetualtuaty.”

Then Sgt. Wolkowski would look away and down with the chagrined expression of a guilty dog that knows it has just messed up horribly.

Good times, Slats and Nugs, good times, gooooooood times.

(Polite applause)

Memories . . .