Friday, November 02, 2007

Give a holla to a playa when you see him on the street, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Spooked

Since it is after Halloween, you know that Jenna Bush said the White House is haunted? In fact, the White House hasn’t heard this much moaning since Bill Clinton interviewed interns.

New meaning in tennis to blowing a lead
Martina Hingis has been accused of testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon. Hingis denies she used cocaine and then abruptly retired from tennis. I’m not so sure Hingis is innocent of using cocaine. Today she announced she is going to be Lindsay Lohan’s private tennis coach.

Going to their heads
Once Boston Red Sox fans were loyal and loveably humble. Now, after two World Series wins in four years, I hate to admit, a lot of BoSox fans are cocky and obnoxious, the only difference between a Red Sox fan and a Yankee fan is how they pronounce chowder. Red Sox fans call it Chahhwhdahh, Yankee fans call it Frickin’ Soup.

What?
The ATP fined Russian tennis player Nikolay Davydenko $2,000 for “not putting out his best effort.” To which the New York Jets asked; “They can do that?”

Oh goody
NFL fans are excited about this Sunday’s match up of undefeated teams, the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts. The Patriots are so excited they can’t wait to see the secret spying video tape of the game.

NFL fans are excited about this Sunday’s match up of undefeated teams, the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts. To give you an idea how serious the players are, Patriot QB Tom Brady is cutting down to impregnating one super model this week.

No wonder
Martina Hingis has been accused of testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon. This would explain that time Hingis won a three set match in ten minutes.

Since you asked:
Slash is on the talk show circuit promoting his autobiography “Slash.” Slash seems like a very thoughtful and a quiet, soft-spoken guy. But then I would be quiet spoken and thoughtful too if a famous porn star once dropped to her knees in a crowded hip Hollywood bar and performed her, um, occupation, on me, as once happened to Slash.

Among the many revelations, Slash said he had heart problems due to excessive drinking and he had to have a pacemaker installed and now he doesn’t drink. Wow do I suddenly feel old. Slash has a pacemaker? Slash doesn’t drink? Or more to the point, I drink more than Slash? Yikes. And how does a guy not drink, not smoke and not do drugs when he looks like a cross between Hunter S. Thompson and "The Adams Family" Cousin It? You would either have to change the look or start boozing again.

And how do you not party with a name like Slash? Guys who write books, don’t drink and have a pacemaker cannot be named Slash. He is going to have to change his name to Dexter Brumpkinheimer.