Wednesday, May 23, 2007

This here how we do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Frilly
A new airlines labeling itself as no frills has entered the market, Nationwide Airlines. A new no frills airline? The last time I flew Southwest it had one frill and I had to pay $20 for it.

Not good
Last week in Virginia, President Bush conducted a 400-piece orchestra; it didn’t go well: the horn section fought with the woodwinds, the tuba player resigned after a scandal and the trombone player accidentally hit a lawyer in the face.

Win win
The New York Yankees 44-year-old pitcher Roger Clemens may start next Monday against the Toronto Blue Jays. This would be good for both parties. The Yankees will get another starting pitcher and the older Clemens can buy his Lipitor, Viagra and Celebrex cheaper in Canada.

Ouch
The Long Island Lolita, Amy Fischer is dating her old paramour Joey Buttafuco; oh great, after all she has been through, Joey’s ex-wife, Mary Jo Buttafuco, needs this like a hole in the head.


Those who do not learn history, are something, something repeat something
Saturday, President Carter said the Bush administration was the worst in history. Carter feels that between the botched military procedure in the middle east, the rising gas prices and the low National moral, oh, wait, that was Carter’s administration. Never mind.

Since you asked:

It seems I spoke to soon about Vince Chase in “Entourage.” His royal whinyness came back. Some creepy central European billionaire will fund his movie “Medellín” with $60 million bucks out of his pocket with one small caveat: Vince has to sleep with the guy’s gorgeous ex-European TV star’s wife. Boo freaking hoo, Vince. Nobody is making you pick up garbage by the highway.

Besides, nobody likes to go to a movie that they can’t spell or pronounce correctly or that makes them sound foofy-sounding – my word – and Medellín would be all three. But Vinny’s whining is still being compensated by Kevin Dillon as Johnny Drama’s hilarious goofing on himself. Hollywood’s greatest sport.

And speaking of HBO on Sunday’s, the “The Sopranos” is getting too depressing to even suffer through the last few episodes. At first I admired their endless habit of starting a subplot and ignoring it, because that’s what happens in real life. Things aren’t usually neatly solved in real life. But now I feel that real life is what I am trying to avoid when I watch HBO, so who needs the aggravation?

Besides, this season’s “The Sopranos” shows have been a veritable smorgasbord of life’s most depressing scenarios: teenage suicide, senior citizen’s mental decay, an out-of-control gambler, a drug addict’s fall, and the cheeriest scene of all, the guy dying-of-cancer-in-prison. No, life in prison or dying of cancer alone wouldn’t not have been nearly depressing enough. Maddona.

You know what I would like to see during the final episode? All the wise guys are sitting around at Satriales or wherever that dumpy office place is where they hang out, and suddenly Paulie looks at Silvio and says;

“Hey, what the . . ? Ain’t you the guitarist for Bruce Springsteen?”

And then they all whack Stevie Van Vandt because he didn’t get them tickets to the last time the Boss played the Meadowlands.

Old School/ New School Cubs game

We old-schooled the Cubs game last night at Petco Park in San Diego. Here is Lex’s guide to old schooling and new-schooling a Padre game.

Take the Coaster train to the Santa Fe Station and hop on the trolley to Petco.

Dine at Mickey and Lou’s. Order a martini, a shrimp cocktail and a then a bone-in Rib eye with a glass of red. Or the smaller Filet.

Buy a scorecard. Keep score during the game. Buy a couple beers.

And we new schooled and came home and watched the DVR’d recording of the game.

Tonight? Don’t have Cubs/Dads tickies so I am going to rally the vodka sautéed shrimp tacos and the grilled corn salsa while I keep score at home.

Oh yeah, buuhhh beeeeee, we keepin’ it real to the feel in this here deal.