I’m just sayin’ I’m just sayin’ three words: sucks to be (adding a fourth) them, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not clear on the concept
Now it’s looking like Paris Hilton will only do half of her 45 day sentence. I’m not sure Paris understands, when told she may only have to do half of her sentence, Paris said; “Can I do afternoons? I’m not a morning person.”

A slight problem
Paris Hilton is facing 45 days in jail. Paris actually contacted Ca Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger and asked him to intervene in her incarceration. Arnold can’t help, not that he doesn’t want to help, it’s just Arnold can’t pronounce intervene in her incarceration.

Not good
A study claims that oral sex causes throat cancer. The only good news for Paris Hilton? She might not make it long enough to go to jail.

Side effect
Scientists in Wisconsin have developed a cap that gives you the equivalent of 8 hours sleep in just 3 hours. It works by slowing your brain waves to their lowest level. The only problem is once they slow your brain to its lowest level, you shave your head and go into rehab.

Doesn’t qualify as private
Paris Hilton is facing 45 days in jail. When Paris goes to jail they will have to search her private parts. But since all of Paris parts are public, they can skip that.

The gift that gives
A new study reveals that iPods can cause pacemakers to crash. In a related story, Hillary Clinton just sent Dick Cheney and iPod for an early Father’s Day present

How smoky was it?
There was a huge fire in Los Angeles. It was so smoky people actually went into a movie theater showing “Snoop Dog’s Hood of Horror” just to avoid the smoke.

No big deal
Paris Hilton faces jail time. When she goes to jail they will strip Paris and give her a body cavity search, then they will douse her with delousing powder and then hose her down. In other words, Paris’s normal pre-date routine.