Wednesday, March 21, 2007

It is hard out here

How you feelin’ it now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?



Progress
The world’s largest airliner flew from Europe to New York, the Airbus A380 that holds 500 passengers. It’s so big the flight attendants can take out 100 kneecaps with beverage carts a flight.

A little different
Saddam Hussein’s vice president, Taha Yassin Ramadan, was hanged yesterday. Iraq is different than the U.S., here our vice president leaves his chief of staff out to hang.

Who knew?
“Dancing with the Stars” debuted last night. Athletes Clyde Drexler and Apolo Ohno did well but not nearly as well as the one-legged Paul McCartney ex, Heather Mills. And here you’d have thought the pro athletes would have a leg up on Heather.

“Dancing with the B-listers”
“Dancing with the Stars” debuted last night. Heather Mills did well despite having an artificial leg. There was one awkward moment when the judge told Heather; “That was quite a feat. Err, uh, I mean foot.”

Come on now
Several of the World Wrestling Entertainment wrestlers have been tied to the Florida steroid scandal. What a shock, participants in fake and rigged wrestling match are accused of cheating? Next thing you’ll try to tell me is that Donald Trump’s hair isn’t real.

Back to “Dancing with the Who-the-hells?”
“Dancing with the Stars” debuted last night. Heather Mills did well despite having an artificial leg. Some critics did question Heather’s choice in hair and dress. They said Heather’s style didn’t have a leg to stand on.

Bring in the experts
Good news. A 12-year-old Boy Scout missing for three nights in the North Carolina mountains was found alive. How did the rescuers find the 12-year-old Boy Scout? They hired Michael Jackson and a team of Priests to track him down.

Not good
Due to the eastern winter storm, U.S. Airways had to cancel 2,500 flights stranding 100,000 passengers. You know U.S. Airways is in trouble when Jet Blue is making jokes about them.

Some people get all the luck
A first-class passenger on British Airways from New Delhi to London awoke to find the corpse of a woman who had died in economy in the seat next to him. Some guys have all the luck. I always get the idiot who won’t shut up the entire flight.

All you can eat
A man fell of a cruise ship and lived because he weighed 300 pounds and his fat kept him afloat. It is the first time ever that the midnight buffet actually saved a life.

We kid the Motor City
Real estate is so bad in Detroit that the price of a house is now lower than the price of a car. That makes sense, though. If you have a car you can drive the hell out of Detroit.

Sound familiar?
President Bush said he is supporting embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales in the wake of his controversial firing of eight U.S. attorneys. To which ex-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said to Gonzales; “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Red tape
Angelina Jolie is in the process of adopting another child. It’s not a simple process. The child has to sign a waiver promising he won’t invite all his friends over when he breast feeds.