Tuesday, March 06, 2007

It is hard out here

Keepin’ it real and making it squeal, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Lucky girl
Rumor has it that Nicole Richey is engaged; she has been spotted around town wearing an engagement ring around her waist.

We kid the queen of lice
In New Jersey it is now illegal for a dog to bark for longer than 30 minutes; this could be bad news for “The Views” Rosie O’Donnell.

So convenient
The International Air Transport Association wants all airlines to eliminate paper tickets by the end of this year.  So now you won’t need a paper ticket to get nowhere on a jet blue airline.

Great news
After Madonna adopted an orphan from Africa, Angelina Jolie is going to adopt an orphan from Vietnam; this is great news because it obviously means there are no more needy orphans left in the United States, or why would know-everything movie stars reject American orphans?.

When asked why they don’t adopt American orphans, Madonna and Angelina Jolie said; “Because everyone knows imported orphans are just better.”  

King of Pain
Fan abuser Sacramento King Ron Artest was arrested for domestic abuse after attacking a woman who called the police. Artest was recently charged with animal abuse when authorities removed a starving great Dane from his home. So now that Artest has been charged with abusing a fan, abusing a dog and abusing a woman, Ron is going to focus inward and try self-abuse.    

Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce
The state of Washington is drafting guidelines to make booing illegal; this would be good news for the last place Seattle Mariners, except that they have signed players named Bruce Bowie, Beaux Boone and Luke Blue.

Probably not
On August 19, 1969, Chicago Cub Ken Holtzman – the man with the most wins for a Jewish pitcher even ahead of the great Sandy Kofax - pitched a no-hitter against the Atlanta Braves. Here is my question, when a Jewish pitcher gets a no-hitter, is it called a bagel?


Since you asked:
Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but I feel pretty good about the Cubs this year. With sweet, sweet, sweet, sweeter than sweet Lou Piniella at the helm and with the added smack of Alf “Willy, Willy” Soriano and the pitching staff over-due not to have a crap and injury-filled year, they could be contenders come fall.

Why will Lou succeed where some really good managers failed? Dusty Baker and the few before him were too mellow for Chicago. The best fit as manager for the Cubs was Leo Durocher back in 1969. The Cubs should have won the World Series that year but injuries and fatigue from playing all day games caught up to them at the very end. But Leo’s fiery personality got them almost all the way there and that what Lou is going to do. It will be up to the Cubbies to make it down the home stretch.

If you ask most Cubs fans they will tell you to take that lovable loser label and shove it up Addison. Yes, Chicago is a football town first but the Cubs are a close second. (Where do the White Sox rank? They are rank)

Bears fans bring a lot of passion to Wrigley field and if the manager doesn’t match that, it won’t work.

Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweeter than sweet Lou will be a good fit in Wrigley Field.