Tuesday, January 09, 2007

It is hard out here

They did what they done and they done what they do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Just like that
Mike McConnell was named by President Bush to be the director of national intelligence. Got that? Bush named the director of national intelligence. That’s like Bill Clinton naming the national director of celibacy.

Mike McConnell was named director of national intelligence. The position of director of national intelligence is not easy. At Washington dinner parties you get a lot of “Hey, director of national intelligence, you’re using the wrong fork with your salad.”

Mike McConnell was named director of national intelligence. The position of director of national intelligence is not easy. At parties you get a lot of ; “Hey, director of intelligence, what’s the capital of Kentucky? No, not Louisville, Frankfort. Director of intelligence my ass.”

Not reliable
Britney Spears predicts she will come back bigger and better. And I predict Britney will. But remember, I predicted that Rap, cell phones and Oprah would never make it big.

So sexist
For the first time, the House of Representatives was controlled by a woman, Nancy Pelosi. It was wild, the House voted to have a sleep over, braid their hair and freeze the bras of the first representatives to fall asleep.

How do I get at that cash?
It has been reported that Mary-Kate Olsen is down to 80 pounds and that she has fired her $2000-a-day eating coach. How do you get a job as an eating coach? Do you get promoted from being a breathing coach?  

Nasty
Iraqi officials are looking into charges that Saddam Hussein was verbally abused before his execution. That verbal abuse had to be pretty bad if it was worse than hanging a guy.

Get it? Flat feet
64-year-old Harrison Ford is going to make the fourth Indiana Jones film. I think this one is called “Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Arch.”

I think this one is called “Indiana Jones And The Colonoscopy of Doom.”

Can’t wait
“VH1” is going to make a reality show based on a group of white rappers. I believe the name of the show is “My Worst Nightmare.”

An interesting time
The NFL Wild Card playoffs were this weekend. It was exciting, the Indianapolis Colts had to figure out how to stop the Chiefs run, the New England Patriots had to figure out how to pass against the Jets and the Oakland Raiders have to ask shoppers; “Paper or plastic?”


How you tell
There is a reality show where a woman tries to figure out if a guy is gay, straight or married. That’s easy, you can tell by what a guy watched on New Years Day. If he watched football, he’s straight, if he watched Oprah, he’s married and if he watched Brian Botano’s skating special, he’s gay.