Wednesday, January 10, 2007

It gonna go how it go don’t you know, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Oui, oui
French President Jacques Chirac criticized the U.S. military action in Iraq. Chirac went on to criticize good hygiene, space travel and other things the French know nothing about.

French President Jacques Chirac criticized the U.S. military action in Iraq. Isn’t getting a military action criticized by the French sort of like getting hair care secrets from Donald Trump?

French President Jacques Chirac criticized the U.S. military action in Iraq. When asked to comment, about Chirac’s comments on Iraq, President Bush said; “Chirac and Iraq. Heh, heh, that rhymes funny.”

Uh, not exactly
Britney Spears has agreed to joint custody of her children with their father, Kevin Federline; it was awkward, when first informed he had joint custody, K-Fed said; “Cool, spark it up.”

On the tip of my tongue
64-year-old Harrison Ford is set to star in the fourth Indiana Jones movie. You can tell Indiana Jones is getting older, this one is titled; “Indiana Jones And, oh shoot, what’s the name again? I just had it.”

64-year-old Harrison Ford is set to star in the fourth Indiana Jones movie. You can tell Indiana Jones is getting older, this one is titled; “Indiana Jones: What Did I Come In Here For?”

That explains it
The government has approved of an anti-obesity drug for dogs. Its name is Slentrol but I think we all know the real name of the anti-obesity drug for dogs is called: “Why Countries Hate Us.”

I love L.A. Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice: Los Angeles” premiered on Sunday. “The Apprentice” is different in Los Angeles. For example, Donald Trump’s comb-over has a convertible top.

L. Lo
Lindsay Lohan had to have her appendix removed. Yeah, apparently Lindsay’s appendix did a lot of drugs, crashed cars, got drunk all the time and generally acted like an idiot, so it had to go.

That is when you know you’ve been partying too hard when your appendix wants out.

Women lay down the law
For the first time a woman, Nancy Pelosi, is speaker of the House of Representatives; legislation has begun on a new bill that would make it illegal to leave the toilet seat up.

Legislation has begun on a new bill that would make it illegal to get lost and not stop and ask directions.

Legislation has begun on a new bill that would make it illegal to reply to the question “Does this make me look fat?” with anything other than no.


Warm streak
The weather has been crazy warm back East. Today in Washington, D.C. a huge chunk broke off of Hillary Clinton.

Not safe
The New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey continued running with a catch after his helmet was torn off. This was the most danger Shockey has had due to being unprotected since he dated Paris Hilton.