We gonna back yo’ play like back in the day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget RanchersAmusant juste avec mes amis nouveaux et merveilleux Français
There was a workers strike all across France; for the first time in France, workers stopped working long before their deodorant did.
There was a workers strike all across France; to show how bad it was, even American tourists began to notice that their waiters weren’t working.
There was a workers strike in France; so all across France, people just quit what they were doing and went home, so it was a pretty typical day for the French army.Healthy Pigs
Scientist have cloned pigs to make pork that is healthier than fish. “Hey, you going to the gym?” “Nahh, for my work out I’ll just sit here and eat these healthy pork rinds.”Bow Wow Juice
They now have a vitamin fortified bottled water for dogs. It comes in three flavors that dogs love, open garbage can, buried bone and newly arriving house guest’s butt.
It comes in a special toilet bowl shaped container.
They now have a vitamin fortified bottled water for dogs. And for a limited time, buy the vitamin dog water and get a free “I am an utter moron” t-shirt.
There is a new vitamin infused water for dogs. I think it’s called “Why Everyone Hates the US”That explains it
Due to the steroid controversy, Barry Bonds says his life is in shambles; Bonds saying his life is in shambles sounds bad until you find out that his new mistress is named Heather Shambles.Good news
Tax time is coming up. There is some good news this tax season, Dick Cheney is going quail hunting with an IRS agent.That explains it, 2
Philadelphia Eagles linebacker Dhani Jones was arrested in Miami when he allegedly refused to stop dancing in the street. Jones doesn’t deny the charge but, like the rest of the Philadelphia Eagles, he has not been able to stop dancing since the Eagles got rid of Terrell Owens.New category of A-Hole
According to testimony, Zacharias Moussaoui was to participate on the terrorist attacks on September 11 but quarreled with heads of al Qaeda; how much of a pain-in-the-ass are you when you can’t get along with a bunch of psycho terrorists?Have fun with that
Russell Pleasant, one of four ESPN.com contestants (of three million) to correctly pick the final four teams, on how he picked George Mason; “I got them confused with George Washington.” If Pleasant wins, he plans to use the money to visit our nation’s capital of Mason DC.Babs gets around
A new book reveals that Barbra Streisand has had many celebrity affairs including Prince Charles, Bill Clinton and Richard Gere. How many affairs did Streisand have? Let’s just say that even Paris Hilton is calling her a slut.
A new book reveals that Barbra Streisand had an affair with Prince Charles. Can you imagine if those two had a kid? Its ears and nose would make Dumbo jealous.No worries
This year I may not pay any taxes but I am not worried. Like Florida sex offender teacher Debra LaFave, I’m too pretty to go to jail.Global warming
“Time” magazine reveals that 86% think global warming is happening. The other 14% couldn’t comment because, at the time, they were too busy shoveling snow.I didn’t know that
Australia has a new union for strippers. You know, in Australia, when you give money to a stripper, it goes down the drain the opposite way.Good to hear
Sharon Stone said when she had her brain operation she almost crossed over to the other side; but she is OK so, thankfully, we can keep watching her legs cross over to the other side.A higher clientele
Wal Mart has made an upscale store in Plano Texas for wealthier customers; instead of white trash, this store is designed to appeal to the color Eggshell Trash.Not qualified to be bad
“Rolling Stone” named CSI: Miami star David Caruso as the worst actor on television. This is after they decided that what Matthew LaBlanc does on “Joey” is so bad it doesn’t count as acting.Sexy girls
Scarlett Johannson topped “FHM” magazine’s 100 sexiest women poll; who was the 100th sexiest woman? Clay Aiken.Since you asked:
How many are old enough to remember that annoying early multi-task pioneer who looked into the camera while sipping her coffee and reading the paper to announce she was cleaning her oven?
No, it was not the first feminine hygiene ad, it was an ad for a self cleaning oven. Anyway, she was always so smug and pleased with herself, I was always envious.
Well, Slats and Nuggies, I am charging my iPod.
No lie, I look at the iPod battery like a cowboy looked at the water in his canteen when crossing the Mojave. The other night, I downloaded songs from iTunes then went to band rehearsal, played the songs off my iPod in their speakers, then we rehearsed the songs and then I came home and listened to the iPod to learn the lyrics. This is not a fib, I am an absolute iPod whore.
I work out to the iPod, I listen to tunes while working, I cook with the iPod on the portable speakers and then, if I am having trouble falling asleep, I listen to the iPod in bed.
My name is Alex. (“Hello Alex”) and I’m an iPodaholic.
If I had to nominate a perfect song for the American West it would have to be, without any doubt, “Pancho and Lefty” by Townes Van Zandt sung by Emmylou Harris. Amazing lyrics and perfect tone. The woman has the voice of an angel. The song captures the sense of adventure and sadness and rebellion that characterizes the West.
As we all know only too well, especially my new and critical Frog friends, I am no expert in great writing, but I dare anyone to find an unnecessary word in this here:Living on the road my friendWas gonna keep you free and cleanNow you wear your skin like ironYour breath's as hard as keroseneYou weren't your mama's only boyBut her favorite one it seemsShe began to cry when you said goodbyeAnd sank into your dreamsPancho was a bandit boysHis horse was fast as polished steelWore his gun outside his pantsFor all the honest world to feelPancho met his match you knowOn the deserts down in MexicoNobody heard his dying wordsThat's the way it goesAll the federales sayThey could have had him any dayThey only let him hang aroundOut of kindness I supposeLefty he can't sing the bluesAll night long like he used toThe dust that Pancho bit down southEnded up in Lefty's mouthThe day they laid poor Pancho lowLefty split for OhioWhere he got the bread to goThere ain't nobody knowsAll the federales sayThey could have had him any dayThey only let him slip awayOut of kindness I supposeThe poets tell how Pancho fellLefty's livin' in a cheap hotelThe desert's quiet and Cleveland's coldSo the story ends we're toldPancho needs your prayers it's true,But save a few for Lefty tooHe just did what he had to doNow he's growing oldA few gray federales sayThey could have had him any dayThey only let him go so wrongOut of kindness I supposeSince you asked:
You know what this blog needs? More physical comedy. Oh yes, physical comedy has its place and anyone who says differently is taking an intellectual stance. No less great comedy mind than Conan O’Brien has said that it is important to remember that nothing is funnier than somebody trying to draw attention to themselves and accidentally getting moderately hurt. (My buddy Kevin Perron dancing on the bar at his hometown watering hole, bending over to take his pants off and then standing up in his boxers to say “Tah Dah!” just before whacking his head on the ceiling fan and getting knocked clean off the bar is a good example)
Proof that physical comedy will always be alive and well is the fact that males - how know only too well the utter agony that is getting hit in the testicles - still laugh hysterically whenever anyone else gets hit in the testicles.
The question is, how do you insert physical comedy in blog that is nothing but boring text combined with a few lame recipes?
vljsfsgopweiofjlbf. Ouch, I just whacked my forehead on the keyboard. (rub, rub, rub)
But it’s a start.