Since you asked:
All the good people here at a.L.B.b. would like to introduce a guest writer from France who loves France so much he chose to live in America so he could keep a closer eye on Americans who are unkind to his beloved France.
Introducing: Pooper Stenchie:
Yes, bonjour, I am the great and powerful Pooper Stenchie:
We are so bored with this nasty American French bashing no funny being humor, that I am going to start a website to fight back at this horrible injustice and call it Pooper Stenchie. That and I do not have anything else to do with my life. No, really, nothing.
We French are so much better than everyone else in the world in every way that the Americans are jealous and naturally inferior so therefore they say mean and racist things about us French. This is wrong. Tres wrong. They say we French are lazy wine guzzling cowards who stink. Well, what are the Americans but beer guzzling brave people who take showers and use deodorant? So there. Once again, my Gaelic wit has surpassed those dimwitted Red State vile Non-French Americans. Let them devour their rancid American cheese.
France is a great, great nation, why our GNP is just below, well, the State of California, but we have done great, great things recently. For example we have, uh, well, there was the time, um . . . we make Perrier water. Bon. Hah. I laugh at you, Yankee dogs.
And the cocky arrogant uneducated Americans say that France is now internationally irrelevant. To this I say; “Your Father is a hamster and your mother smells of elderberries. Now go away before I taunt you some more.”
If France was, as the hateful Americans claim, internationally irrelevant that would mean that France has virtually no military power to speak of and an economy that has sunk to inconsequential third world status. OK, maybe those are two bad examples, but we are still a very great, great nation. If you do not believe so, just ask us, oui?
If France is so weak and impotent would we not be able to quickly squelch the recent rioting in our own ghettos and by our angry young laborers? OK, again, maybe not the best of examples.
All the Americans ever do is sit around and think about how much they hate the French. Granted, when asked, 99.9% of Americans say they never, ever think about the French at all. But that is a lie because we know that all they ever do is say mean and ugly things about the French because that is all I, Pooper Stenchie, ever think about. Did I mention I don’t have anything else to do?
For proof of American racism towards the French, look at all those mean-spirited jokes the talk show hosts like Leno and O’Brien and Letterman say about us. Those people are not funny. They are nowhere near as funny as the great Jerry Lewis.
If there is one thing France is famous for, it is our comedians. Well, OK, our comedians are not as funny as the German comedians, but come on, those people are freakin’ hilarious. Why do you think we let them take over France during both world wars? Those Krauts crack us up. Whew.
These American talk show fools, like Leno and Letterman, make the French the punch line to all jokes about arrogance, ignorance and indifference. To this I say we French are above that, we don’t know anything about it and, more importantly, we do not care. So much for the French being arrogant, ignorant and indifferent. You stupid Americans are too easy for me.
Pardon me, my five-year-old daughter just spilled her wine, I must refill her glass.
In closing I would like to quote what a brave French military leader (non, that is not an oxymoron) said about the French:I have tried to lift France out of the mud. But she will return to her errors and vomitings. I cannot prevent the French from being French."
-Charles de Gaulle
Mon dieu! Who is this hateful person who is bashing my beloved France? Pooper Stenchie must respond with all of his super French power. We must attack this pig with all our military might, as we attacked that vile, but hilarious comedian, Alex Kaseberg. We must Google bomb Charles de Gaulle. That will teach him, non?
Don’t worry, sweetie, I will get you more wine.
Thank you, PS.
Any questions or comments for me or our guest email@example.com