Thursday, December 21, 2006

It is hard out here

Christmas snippity snap holy, you-know-what, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


There was another outbreak of E. coli, this time at an Olive Garden in Indianapolis. First Taco Bell now Olive Garden. What’s it coming to when you can’t get a bad fake foreign meal without getting sick? Next thing you know the Scottish food at McDonalds will get you.

There was another outbreak of E. coli, this time at an Olive Garden in Indianapolis; customers first became aware of a serious problem when they suddenly realized they were eating in an Indianapolis Olive Garden.

There was an outbreak of E. coli at an Olive Garden in Indianapolis; just when you think things can’t get any worse for Kevin Federline, his customers get sick on his first day as a waiter.

“Time” magazine named all of us Man of the Year. Wait a second, weren’t Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin named man of the year? I think we all just got insulted.

“Time” magazine named all of us Man of the Year and with a mirror-like cover. This isn’t going to be good for all the dumb guys out there. “Hey, baby, did you know that I am “Time’s” Man-of-the Year? See, that’s me in on the cover. Hey, now it’s you. What’s going on here?”

What has the world come to when you can’t get a great Italian dinner in Indianapolis? Indianapolis’s idea of Italian food is a hamburger topped with Mozzarella cheese.

A study claims injections of Botox relieves constipation. Botox may relieve constipation, but the problem is that your facial expression will seem even more constipated.

A survey reveals that American-made condoms are usually too big for men in India; guys, use that the next time a New Delhi tech support operator tells you your hard drive is too small.


The United States announced that we will provide nuclear fuel to India for power for the Indian people; upon hearing this, President Bush replied; “Uh, excuse me, but I believe the correct term is Native American people.”

Miss USA, Tara Conner, nearly lost her title after her drunken lesbian make-out scene in a bar with Miss Teen USA. Patrons at the bar were so upset they gave the two girls one hour to cut it out.