Thursday, November 02, 2006

How you feelin’ us workin’ it up on it now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Bitter sweet
It’s sad that baseball season is over. In fact, today is the annual ritual at all baseball stadiums where they store the hot dog water in garbage cans ‘til next year.

And they never forget what they look like
A new study reveals that elephants have self-awareness. That’s amazing, even our President doesn’t have that.

Some things never change
Ford has made their last Ford Taurus. Now guys won’t be able to have sex with women in a Taurus. Just like always.

Appropriate
They are going to widen the Panama Canal so bigger ships can get through it. They are going to widen the Panama Canal so more seaman can get through. It’s called: Project Paris Hilton.

Poor lil’ guy
They make Halloween candy really small and they call it “Fun size.” You know it had to be a guy who came up with this marketing strategy; “No really, sweety, it’s not small, it’s fun size.”

Look on the bright side
The bad news for the Detroit Lions is that they are 1- 6. The good news? One more loss and the Lions might get adopted by Madonna.

All Hallows Eve
I enjoyed Halloween, I got dressed up, I carved a pumpkin and then when the trick or treaters came along, I handed out bags of spinach.

There was a girl dressed up as Nicole Richey. Her trick or treat bag had a big hole in it.

Halloween is great, you walk around scaring everyone in your neighborhood and then you go home and eat yourself silly with candy. Or as Rosie O’Donnell calls that: Tuesday.

Everybody knows that have a real scary pumpkin. I carved it to look like Hillary Clinton when she hears Barack Obama might run for president.

We have a tradition of giving the trick or treaters a riddle. This year it was: why is ex-congressman Mark Foley like George W. Bush reading a book? He always gets stuck on one page.


Hate to hear that
Paris Hilton appeared on “Monday Night Football”, she picked up a football helmet and asked; “I’m ready for some football.” Sadly, afterwards, the helmet had to be treated for a sexually transmitted disease.


Since you asked:

We toss around the word genius pretty quickly. We might want to throw that word at Sacha Baron Cohen. His Barat character is the perfect comedic storm.

At a time when people have become so hyper-sensitive, lost all objectivity, perspective, not to mention their sense of humor, along comes a smart, cool, articulate, highly educated, talented Jewish comedian who stays in character as Borat, a naïve, bumbling, racist, anti-Semitic, English-butchering imbecilic perverted foul-mouthed dork from Kazakhstan.

Borat takes all of our hyper-sensitivity, our political correctness induced covert racism, and throws it back in our face. And we allow it to happen because of our hypocritical insistence to tolerate other cultures combined with our terror of appearing impolite to foreigners.

If the entire movie is as good as the clips I’ve seen of “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit of Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” the entire movie is going to be hysterical:

The hyper polite Southerners nearly breaking their backs leaning over to be polite to their hilariously crass dinner guest.

The angry and bitter feminists who furiously storm out of a Q & A interview.

The Kazakhstan’s annual “Running of the Jews.”

The feminists were the best. First of all, they were straight out of central casting: sandal wearing, bespectacled, masculine-looking angry and bitter women who are angry and bitter because of hateful men who are intolerant and un-accepting of women. And yet they storm out on Barat because they were angry and intolerant and un-accepting.

Beautiful.

But in the feminists defense, Borat did say that women's brains were the size of a squirrel's. You don't have to be Jane Fonda to get tweaked at that.

I’ve got no idea where this Sacha Baron Cohen finds those Volkswagon sized testicles of his, maybe he feels safe hiding behind the Borat character, but he has them and the result is hilarious.

My only problem with the movie clips I’ve seen is my own hyper-sensitive cringing at people who embarrass themselves. But with Borat, as with Cohen’s other character, Ali G, the people who generally do humiliate themselves are so humorless and self-important and so oblivious that it is as glorious as it is hilarious to see them make total idiots of themselves. The Marx Brothers did much the same thing, albeit more scripted and rehearsed.

In fact, Borat reminds me of an Eastern European/ Western Asian Groucho loopy on Vodka and Red Bull. He is at once sweet and innocent while he is also vile and offensive.

All hail the U.S and A. All hail sex. All hail the awkward high five. Very niiiiiiiiiiice.

Borat for President. Yeeeeeeuuuuuuus. High five.