Thursday, October 12, 2006

What it did is was what it did do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Say what?
Paris Hilton and Nicole Richey were spotted together at a Los Angeles steak house; that is the most shocking thing I’ve ever heard. Nicole Richey was in a steak house?

Nicole Richey and Paris Hilton were seen having dinner. Finally, our long national nightmare is over.

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richey were spotted together at a Los Angeles steak house; there was an embarrassing moment when a customer mistook Nicole for a toothpick and stuck her in his mouth.

Poor crazy dictator
You have to feel a little sorry for North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. He decides to shock the world with his announcement that he has tested a nuclear bomb and then Nicole Richey and Paris Hilton are seen together and it’s pushed off the front page.

Good thinking
Iran’s Muslim leader has ordered no masturbating for the month of Ramadan; that’s good because those Iranian Islamic fundamentalists weren’t quite grumpy enough.

Iran’s Muslim leader has ordered no masturbating for the month of Ramadan; it’s not going well, guys are quitting Islam hand over fist.

Iran’s Muslim leader has ordered no masturbating for the month of Ramadan; guess we don’t have to worry about Mark Foley converting to Islam anytime soon.

Apparently the guy got the idea from watching a “Seinfeld” rerun of “The Contest.”

Not too long if you know what I mean
In New Jersey a 32-year-old female gym teacher confessed to having a long term sexual relationship with a 13-year-old boy. When I was 13, a long term sexual relationship was about thirty-five seconds.

Well, yeah, except for them
Bill Clinton has gotten together with the makers of children’s snacks to cut out fat. Everyone knows Bill Clinton hates fat in everything except maybe in his White House Interns.

Some good news
John Kerry said he feels like running for president again. Finally some good news to cheer up the Republicans.

John Kerry said he feels like running for president again. Again? When did Kerry run the first time?

A distant last at that
A former winter Olympic cross country skier, John Farra and his wife, Tess, won the seventh annual North American Wife Carrying Championship in Maine. Do you know who finished last? Al Reynolds and Star Jones.

Can’t say it but he can do it
The polls indicate Arnold Schwarzenegger is a huge favorite to be reinstated in the California gubernatorial election. Even though there is no possible way that Arnold could ever correctly pronounce the words: reinstated in the California gubernatorial election.

Mistaken identity
California Police arrested an 83-year-old woman who had 10 pounds of crystal meth strapped to her back. It turns out they only thought it was an 83-year-old woman, it was really Whitney Houston.