Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It’s all in the all in, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That could never happen again
The last time the St. Louis Cardinals and the Detroit Tigers were in the World Series was 1968. Things were a lot different back then, the Rolling Stones were on tour, Jack Nicholson had a hit movie and we were embroiled in an unpopular war.

Get it?
People not from the Midwest might not appreciate the distinctions between Detroit and St. Louis. In St. Louis a lot of people pronounce their state as: Muh-zurrr-ahhh. In Detroit, a lot of people pronounce their state as: incarcerated.

Heard that one
Rumor has it O.J. Simpson is writing a book. He’s having trouble with the title because “In Cold Blood” has already been used.

Rumor has it O.J. Simpson is writing a book about the murders. I’m not sure it will sell though. There are only 12 people in the world who don’t know how it ends: the OJ jury.

Not a big seller
You know what is one of the most popular kids Halloween costumes this year? Sponge Bob Square Pants. You know one of the least popular Halloween costumes this year? Happy Hour Mel Gibson.

Kids are gearing up for Halloween this year. You know what the most popular kids costume is this year? Spiderman. You know the least popular kids costume? A congressional page.

Nicole Richey said her goal is to become a singer. Nicole’s biggest problem as a singer? She disappears behind the microphone stand.

Good thinking
You know what a lot of kids are dressing up for on Halloween? They’re dressing up as a starving African child so Madonna will adopt them and buy them great Christmas presents.

What is it with Monica and carpets?
Rumor has it that Monica Lewinski has been dating a bi-sexual actress. When asked to comment, Monica said; “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Rumor has it that Monica Lewinski has been dating a bi-sexual actress. You can’t blame Monica for quitting guys. How many cigar jokes can one woman take?

Fair deal
The mayors of St. Louis and Detroit have their traditional World Series bet. If Detroit wins, then St. Louis will give Detroit a case of Budweiser and toasted Ravioli. If St. Louis wins, then Detroit will promise they won’t rob St. Louis.

You have to love the two World Series cities motto’s. Detroit, What Happens in Detroit Depends on if a witness will testify.” St. Louis’ motto is “What Happens in St. Louis stays in St. Louis, but nothing ever happens in St. Louis.”

I’m not saying Detroit is a rough town but their city bird is a stool pigeon. I’m not saying St. Louis isn’t a fun town, but their nickname is the Gateway to the West, in other words it’s most famous for people wanting to get the hell out of there.


Fabolous speller
Rapper Fabolous was shot in the leg. And today, in more shocking news, not one rapper was shot.

Rapper Fabolous was shot in the leg and then charged with criminal possession of weapons. In addition, Fabolous was charged with the criminally bad spelling of the word Fabulous.

Good job, Sir
President Bush would reject talks with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. Give President Bush some credit, he has come a long way with North Korea. He no longer giggles uncontrollably when he hears the name of the capital city Pyongyang.

Ouch
The winner of the Chicago Marathon, Kenyan Robert Cheruiyot, slipped at the finish line and knocked himself out cold. The guy ran over 26 miles, leading the whole way, only to get knocked out at the very end. He was also charged with impersonating the New York Yankees.