It is hard out here

I told her to arrive, but she was already there, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Record breaking
A seven-year-old boy named Braxton Bilbray, set a record by swimming from Alcatraz Island to San Francisco. That broke the seven-year-old swimming record set by a boy at the Never Land ranch pool trying to swim away from Michael Jackson.  

Yikes
Who saw “American Idol”? How about that bright purple jacket Taylor Hicks wore? Even Ryan Seacrest thought it was gay.

We kid they Seacrest out
Ryan Seacrest cut his hand when he sat on and broke a glass table in an “American Idol” production meeting. Ryan is OK, but they had to find a donor with the blood type Gay positive.

Apparently Seacrest isn’t quite as light in his loafers as we presumed.

Ryan Seacrest cut his hand when he sat on and broke a glass table in an “American Idol” production meeting. Ryan is OK now, but the cut was pretty bad. Witnesses say that accident was uglier than Taylor Hick’s purple jacket.

So mean
The New York Post revealed that Hillary Clinton has an iPod and it has a lot of Rolling Stones songs. That makes sense. After all, one of the Stones’ big hits is called “Bitch.”

That’s a lot of protection
It was a beautiful day today. It was so sunny “The De Vinci Code’s” sinister albino monk had to use SPF 300.
  
On thin ice
Maybe it’s just me, but on “American Idol” if Taylor Hicks screams soul patrol one more time, I am going to stick his head in a bucket of Grecian Formula 16.

Weepy Dad
How about “American Idol” contestant Katharine McPhee’s weepy father? I’ve never seen anyone cry that much who wasn’t a Chicago Cubs fan.

I haven’t seen anyone cry that much since President Bush looked at his approval ratings.  

Idle idol
On “American Idol” Paula Abdul said Taylor Hicks was possessed. Then Paula threw up Pea Soup and her head spun around.


On his knees
Once again a North Carolina teacher was fired for sleeping with her high school senior male student. Apparently there is prayer in school ‘cause a lot of guy’s prayers are coming true.



Now that’s gay
For the second time on “American Idol” Katharine McPhee did a rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” It was the only thing on the show gayer than Taylor Hick’s purple jacket.


Not easy
Do you know what was the hardest thing about making Fox’s show “So You Think You Can Dance?” Finding a host gayer than Ryan Seacrest.