It is hard out here

We got the insane rain up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Extensive work done
Tori Spelling is getting divorced. Tori’s ex said Tori isn’t the same woman he married. No, seriously, because of all of Tori’s plastic surgery, she is not the same woman he married.

Tori Spelling is getting divorced so she can marry the guy she is currently engaged to. In Hollywood this is called Multi tasking.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
The president of Iran says they have enriched uranium; upon hearing Iran has enriched uranium, President Bush replied, “Oh yeah? Well my Count Chocula is vitamin fortified.”

Saw this one coming
At the Washington Nationals game, Dick Cheney threw out the first pitch, it was embarrassing, Cheney missed the catcher and accidentally hit an old lawyer.

When Dick Cheney threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game, he was loudly booed; in fact, Cheney was booed so loudly the New York Knicks signed him to a three year deal.  

For a change
Three military experts have publicly agreed the war in Iraq is a mistake; and this time the three military experts aren’t the Dixie Chicks.

Three retired Generals have agreed publicly that the Iraq war is a mistake; it took a few years, but the three Generals finally came around to have the same opinion as our top military experts: Madonna, Barbra Streisand and Jane Fonda.  

Now four retired Generals are calling for Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation; and I think the White House is getting the message. Today Dick Cheney invited Rumsfeld to go quail shooting.  

Ugly divorce
David Hasselhof and his wife are embroiled in an ugly divorce; they can’t agree on who gets custody of Hasselhof’s Germans.