Monday, March 20, 2006

It is hard out here

Happy Steak and Knobber Day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Not to be confused
“Ask the Dust” opened this weekend. It is about prejudice in Los Angeles in 1939; “Ask the Dust” is not about calling into "The Larry King show."

Flu the coup
This bird flu thing is getting serious. This weekend the entire Dallas Cowboys caught locker room cancer from the Philadelphia Eagles.

The Dallas Cowboys swapped Keyshawn Johnson for Terrell Owens. The terms weren’t revealed but insiders say the deal is for a second round pick and a megalomaniac to be named later.

This T.O. trade will be known as the trade that put the ass in Dallas

To show how bad Terrell Owens is, his trade to the Dallas Cowboys made T.O. the biggest jerk in the news the week Serb Mass-murdering Tyrant Slobodan Milosevic died.

The Dallas Cowboys releasing Keyshawn Johnson for Terrell Owens is the NFL equivalent of rectal replacement surgery.

Attention all units
In a confrontation in Chicago, a man cut off his penis and threw it at the police; well at least he didn’t go off half cocked.

God forbid if I did that it would be assault with a deadly weapon.

I don’t want to say this guy was impressive, but he did take out an entire unit with his unit.


Indiana Jones and the Bluebird Special
Harrison Ford is set to star in the fourth Indiana Jones movie. I believe this one is “Indiana Jones and the Midnight Pee.”

I don't want to say Harrison Ford is getting up there but his next movie is titled; "Indiana Jones, I got a case of sciatica you shouldn't believe."

I don’t want to say Harrison Ford is getting up there but in the next movie, Indiana Jones is on a quest to find the perfect fiber supplement.


Erin go blah
Girls you may have had too good a St. Patricks Day if you thought you fell in love with a well dressed Leprechaun but you woke up in the Zoo’s penguin exhibit.

Hoops moderate excitement
Are you excited about the NCAA men’s college basketball tournament? I’m not sure I really have March Madness yet, it’s more like March mild-irritability.

Unfortunately in the NCAA Men’s college basketball tournament, a lot of fans are like Michael Jackson; they don’t care about the sweet sixteen, they only get interested with the elite eight


And last and least for my many new French friends
Protests have broken out all over France over new labor laws. In some cases the demonstrations turned violent. Well, not violent, but some of the French protestors did threaten to hold their breath until they turned bleu.


France’s President Jacques Chirac took a firm stance against the labor protestors. Chirac vows that, if the violence continues, France authorities will have no choice but to surrender immediately.


Since you asked:
Clearly the thinking on the Dallas Cowboys getting Terrell Owens is that their coach, Bill Parcell’s bloated ego will be enough to hold T.O.’s bloated ego in check. This is the same logic that believed that New Orleans rickety levees would be enough to hold Katrina.

Either the French are even more masochistic than we thought or some of those Anti-French bashing Lex bashers like my blog more than they said. Noticing a ton of regular traffic from France on the old blog-o-roni. Welcome, we accept all, hygienically challenged or not.

Which bumper sticker should I break my no-bumper sticker rule with?

“I Won’t Brag About My Child on a Stupid Bumper Sticker”

Or

“Dog is my co-pilot.”